Let me preface by saying i'm brand new here and have no wish to offend. i have a comment and a question re: this fascinating thread.

my comment: Parts of this discussion remind me of a long-standing debate in the queer community over whether one can "truly" be gay or lesbian if one is not currently in a same-sex relationship. Can a slave self-identify? Put another way: is "slave" something i do, or something i am at my core? Is this a matter of defining the term slave vs submissive? Is "slave" something some subs evolve into, a deeper level perhaps as you seem to suggest, denuseri?

If i knew in my heart, from my life experiences, dreams, desires, the very lens through which i perceive myself and my world, my way of Being in the world, that i loved women, their bodies and minds, romantically and erotically, i wouldn't let anyone tell me i wasn't a "true lesbian" because my current life circumstances only permitted online exploration and relationships.

And my question: "The slave was one, who was actually "collared", as opposed to only wearing a collar while submiting. The slave was one who had surrendered in total to his or her self first before offering oneself as well as one's submission to one's Master or Mistress."

This is so beautiful and intriguing. Would you be willing to expand on it a bit? What does it mean, to "surrender in total to" oneself?

with thanks
sh