Quote Originally Posted by dzire2pleeze
~bows to the great oz~

i almost always agree with cariad. as a matter of fact, this is possibly the first time i've disagreed with her. to me a threat such as, "do it or else i leave you" borders on emotional abuse. maybe i misunderstood or misread, but denying someone your attention is like locking a child in a dark closet without talking to them for a day.

this time the great oz gets my kudos. i like your style.
I completely agree with you d2p. I would never suggest or support the use of a threat, and I am sorry that I did not make that more clear in what I initially posted. The punishment which was given to me was simply a withdrawal of the privilege of being his submissive for a known period of time. He did not withdraw his love or affection from me during that time; we just had a painfully vanilla relationship.

But your point is well made, and denying someone your attention is a painful experience for both parties. Whilst I hope I would never ever shut a child a dark closet for even 5 seconds, I would insist that they take five minutes 'out time' whilst they are excluded from participating in what is happening. I always see 'corner time' as the same. It is a short time on my own; to collect my thoughts and appreciate what is important to me.

What happened in the incident I mentioned with myself was a transition between enjoying submissive activites, and truly being so. It took a very wise man to see that, and I will always be grateful to him for it.

I am sure that Tojo also did not see his suggestion as a threat, merely a statement of fact. If you behave like this then we cannot continue to have a D/s relationship. Again only the sort of thing which would stated in an extreme situation. But I will leave that for him to comment on. (edit - he has already done so whilst I was writing this.)

I see nagging as a very destructive behaviour in any relationship, and in a D/s one I believe that it is subversive attempt to top from the bottom, and as such should be dealt with accordingly. Hence my suggestion.

But having once been told that what people remember in anything that you write is the first and last paragraph, I wish to reiterate what you say about threats and although there may occasionally be times when it is appropriate to deny attention, this should only be done in an obviously loving and supportive way.

cariad