Why is it cool to be a bi girl

[thrall]

I was wondering more if the girls you are talking about think more along the lines of

its cool to be bad........

im not saying that in a negative way........just the idea of being a ...bad girl.... may be an attraction of its own....

[TomOfSweden]

I've never had a girlfriend/wife that wasn't. I personally can't imagine not being at least bi-curious. I don't think I really can imagine what pure mono-gender attraction would be like. I mean.... nah. No, idea.

I like it when my wife positively comments on a hot chick we see in the street. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside. Its just one more example that her cup is half-full.... Yeah... that's why bi-sexuality beats straightness! It feels more like an embrace of life.

Bi-chicks rock!!!

[hopperboo]

I like it when my wife positively comments on a hot chick we see in the street. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside. Its just one more example that her cup is half-full.... Yeah... that's why bi-sexuality beats straightness! It feels more like an embrace of life.

One can think women are hot and not be bisexual....

I think some women are freaking gorgeous...and do I look? Yes.

One can embrace life and still...actually choose one person to love for the rest of your life without sleeping with everyone that is attractive.

That's just my opinion though.

[WyldWyl]

Why is it currently trendy to be bi if you're a female? I don't know- I think a lot of self-proclaimedly bisexual girls (of my age group and lower) are just doing it for attention or to be rebellious. I'd like to make a nice positive statement about young women owning their sexuality and not being bound by outdated morality and social convention, but I don't think that's true.

The more interesting question to me right now is that of why, given the fashionable status of female bisexuality, is it not cool for men to be bi? Taking myself for example. I consider myself pan-sexual or gender-blind in my approach to my sexuality; attracted to people regardless of their sex or if their gender matches up to it, but the functional result could be said to be bisexuality- in simplistic terms.

I'd like to think that my willingness to be open-minded and accepted was laudible and cool, but it seems not to be the case. Rather, most people -outside of the bdsm community, seem to be if not disgusted then at least disturbed by my sexuality. I do wish more guys were open to trying it, but I think that's 15-20 years down the road.

Oh well, I guess I didn't add much to this, but I wanted to say something.

[Hime]

After various conversations over the last few days with friends of mine, Ive been pondering the following.

Why do bi girls (the majority) flaunt it like it's cool, as if it makes them more special.
A girl I know is very proud from having slept with what she claims to be most of the girls she knows in the scene in her hometown.
If I were to knock that on its head and be proud of sleeping with all the males in my hometown... not so cool but slutty.

Also, why do so many girls in the scene claim to be bi, I understand that scene folk are more open minded and open to more experiences but I have yet to meet a female submissive that is not bisexual, I find this hard to believe.
(there is also not the same amount of male bi sexuals in the scene either.)

To the lazywebs I ask... why is it so cool to be bisexual?

It's cool because we get to sleep with hot, sexy men AND hot, sexy women. The same reason why it's cool to be a switch -- and I should know, being both.

Seriously -- yeah, there are a lot of young women who want to be bi because it seems rebellious or gets guys' attention. Personally, I don't know if I "flaunt" my sexuality any more than most hetero people I know do -- I love both my husband and my girlfriend (we're poly; I'm not cheating), and I don't have any desire to hide my feelings for either of them. I do want people to know that I'm bi, mostly because how will I find partners if people don't know what I like?

As for being "slutty," frankly I'm proud of all the men *and* women I've been with. The people I've played with have all been special and interesting in their own ways, and I wouldn't do something if I wasn't going to own it and be proud of it. I don't see anything to be ashamed of.

One thing I don't understand, though: why do people think it's sexier for a submissive woman with a dominant male partner to be bi, when obviously it would be subbie-er and kinkier for her to not be bi, but be willing to do it anyway for the excitement of her Dom?

The more interesting question to me right now is that of why, given the fashionable status of female bisexuality, is it not cool for men to be bi? Taking myself for example. I consider myself pan-sexual or gender-blind in my approach to my sexuality; attracted to people regardless of their sex or if their gender matches up to it, but the functional result could be said to be bisexuality- in simplistic terms.

In general it is definitely harder for bi guys. I think a big part of it is that during the height of AIDS hysteria, a lot of media sources made it seem like the easiest way for a woman to get HIV was to sleep with a man who was also sleeping with me. Also, the gay male subculture can be kind of exclusive at times and isn't really accepting of bi men, which my bi male friends tell me makes it hard to find partners.

Personally, though, I love bi guys. I think they're pretty much the hottest, probably for the same reasons that a lot of straight men think bi women are.

[Hime]

Oh and also -- for what it's worth, I'm also really bothered by the whole kinky status game. Mostly because, despite being all bi and stuff, I'm really pretty rubbish as a submissive (I generally prefer the term "challenging"). Even if your kink is about being property and being shown off, there are ways to do that that don't put down other people's relationships and preferences.

[Flaming_Redhead]

It's a very common male fantasy to not only be able to watch 2 beautiful women together but also be able to participate. In the competitive BDSM dating arena where there are more submissives than dominants, I suspect these girls are just agreeable to doing whatever they think gives them an edge and are not actually bisexual. I, myself, enjoy a little naughty flirting among friends now and then, but I don't consider myself bi or even bi-curious. Curious about what?! I've experimented. I'm completely hetero. I would never dream of running away from Daddy to be with a woman or suggest that he bring another woman into the relationship, but if he ever wants me to perform with one, I won't refuse.

[Ozme52]

In the competitive BDSM dating arena where there are more submissives than dominants, I suspect these girls are just agreeable to doing whatever they think gives them an edge and are not actually bisexual.

LMAO Red... I just want to say "Let the games begin!!"

(great post)

I, myself, enjoy a little naughty flirting among friends now and then, but I don't consider myself bi or even bi-curious. Curious about what?! I've experimented. I'm completely hetero. I would never dream of running away from Daddy to be with a woman or suggest that he bring another woman into the relationship, but if he ever wants me to perform with one, I won't refuse.

Ahhh, performance art!

[crazy_grrluk]

I call it the best of both worlds.

I dont broadcast the fact that I am bi.. nor do I brag about how many women I have slept with. being bi is part of who I am.

Men find it highly erotic watching 2 women together as some women find it erotic watching 2 men together. it is just part and parcel of being human. They might not participate but they are curious.

[hopperboo]

After various conversations over the last few days with friends of mine, Ive been pondering the following.

Why do bi girls (the majority) flaunt it like it's cool, as if it makes them more special.
A girl I know is very proud from having slept with what she claims to be most of the girls she knows in the scene in her hometown.
If I were to knock that on its head and be proud of sleeping with all the males in my hometown... not so cool but slutty.

Also, why do so many girls in the scene claim to be bi, I understand that scene folk are more open minded and open to more experiences but I have yet to meet a female submissive that is not bisexual, I find this hard to believe.
(there is also not the same amount of male bi sexuals in the scene either.)

To the lazywebs I ask... why is it so cool to be bisexual?

I'm certainly not bisexual, but I some think it's 'cool' because it's showing that some people can 'have it all.'

I decline to comment any further...even though I want to.

[crazy_grrluk]

long before I met Master I used to be part of a bi couple. and we would walk down the street giving peoples asses x amount out of 10 LOL used to be a fun game we played. also to add to that we used to ask each other... would you do him or her LMAO

[Hime]

One can embrace life and still...actually choose one person to love for the rest of your life without sleeping with everyone that is attractive.

That's just my opinion though.

I don't really know where to start with this.

First of all, being bi doesn't mean that you can't be monogamous. You can be bisexual and only sleep with one person for your whole life, if you want. Or you can be a virgin, just like you can be straight or gay and be a virgin.

Even if you do have experience with both genders, that's not anything like "sleeping with everyone that is attractive." Having multiple partners over the course of one's life doesn't in any way imply having no standards of commitment. You can be bi, have experience with both, and not be a totally indiscriminate fucking machine.

And even if a person does have multiple partners in their life, if they want to "choose one person to love" they still can. It is possible to sleep around and then "settle down" and be monogamous. It is also possible to have a sexually open relationship and still only be in love with one person in a long-term committed relationship.

Honestly, though, I don't see what's so great about only loving one person.

long before I met Master I used to be part of a bi couple. and we would walk down the street giving peoples asses x amount out of 10 LOL used to be a fun game we played. also to add to that we used to ask each other... would you do him or her LMAO

D. and I do this kind of thing all the time. It's good fun.

[hopperboo]

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that all bisexuals run around....

Honestly, though, I don't see what's so great about only loving one person.

To each their own. Multiple partners is not for me.

[Ozme52]

Interesting topic eh?

Certainly got my attention.

[darkbutterfly]

I think its several things, I part of it is being adventurous and wanting to seem willing to be sexually open and into experimentation, the "nobody likes a prude in bed" thing i guess, and also women want attention, to appear desirable, sexy and flirtatious and what better way to do that than to be willing to fulfill one the biggest male fantasies ever?

Also i think societally speaking, we're way more open about our sexuality and whatnot so people are willing to discuss it, but after a while it begins to become a big competition and I don't play those games. Wastes time, emotions and energy and those are saved for my Owner

I am bi- but I was bi before it was cool...lol and I'm not the "i just want to have sex with a girl" bi, I'm the 'I dated a girl for two years and was madly in love with her,' type of bi lol. Would I have sex with a girl now? If my Owner wanted me too, but I believe that there should be a relationship before you have sex, but I'd gladly enjoy it for him

[pervertedpages]

I hate to be the Debbie Downer here, but "why is it cool to be bi" and the language some of us are using to talk about this -- "claiming" to be bisexual, "flaunting," "so-called," -- is exhibiting the kind of mistrust for sexual minorities that I've heard from the moral majority my whole life. As a sexually submissive bisexual woman, I just want to make sure this thread has a little bit of comfort for bisexual women who have also been on the receiving end of such mistrust for their sexuality. Hell, I know you're not talking to /me/ because I'm not in your scene, nor do I run around kissing women for pretend funsies. But I can't helped but feel that old familiar feeling because this kind of conversation happens all the time and I can never do anything but squirm because it's hard to articulate why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I live in a mostly queer world, among young, over-educated queer men and women who think of themselves as being more liberal in that holistic lifestyle way, not just politics. But I've gotten just as much bullshit from them about my sexuality as I have from people who aren't part of my community -- and it looks as though I'm seeing a little bit of that here. I'm not trying to say some women don't want to ramp up their bi-ness because it makes them seem more alluring. Bisexual women are, in fact, pretty damn alluring so it would make sense, and it would make sense that you would observe this and find something amiss. I think a good question to ask, besides asking "are they even really bi?" is why is it somehow more warranted to call into question a bi girl's sexuality than a heterosexual man who flaunts how many women he's been with, or a lesbian who talks about getting laid a lot? Do we wonder if all promiscuous gay men are just thinking about cock because it makes them seem more attractive to other men, or cooler, or more alluring? Here's something most people can agree with: being "out" about your sexuality, unless you're a straight vanilla male (and even then, who knows?), is hard. Full stop. It takes courage and a lot of balls and I think a good common goal would be fostering a community of respect around this. I've been on the receiving end of all of that craziness -- I'll call it mistrust or skepticism -- concerning my sexuality, including "bi-town on the way to gayville" (which goes doubly for men; no one, het or homo, believes in the bisexual male, which is fucking annoying).

That's the thing, some people don't believe we even exist. And the idea that we might exist, but can't possibly exist in such numbers seems, to me, to be just an extension of that. My journey to accepting my bisexuality (it seemed easier for me to call myself a lesbian for a while) has made it as much a part of my political identity as my sexual one. There is no need, in a world as fucked up and hedonistic as ours, and in communities filled with sexual deviants like mine, for little bi boys and girls to go around feeling like they can't quite fit in. And I'm not saying it's not okay to be frustrated with the girls in your scene, I'm just saying, this is really only adding to the atmosphere that fucks with bisexual/queer/whathaveyou identity and development. It may seem like, goddamn those bisekshuals are takin' over the world! But at the end of the day I'm still getting threats for people to "rape me straight" and it's a felony to have sex with who I want to have sex with in my state. It may seem like it's cool to be bi, but it certainly ain't easy.

We are human, we like sex. And especially for people into "the scene," we're preoccupied enough with sex that we seek it out in specialized ways. So why shouldn't we talk about who and how and why we fuck, same-sexed or otherwise?

I hope this wasn't too long or needlessly defensive. I just wanted to put another voice out there.

[pervertedpages]

Wow, so I just read some really great responses on the second page to this thread and now feel as though my response seems a little more serious than it needs to be.. I promise that I've had fun or laughed before in my life! I'm just like the Queer Hulk, only instead of green, I sense heteronormativity, turn a brilliant shade of rainbow, and RAAAAGE. <blush>

[WyldWyl]

Wow, so I just read some really great responses on the second page to this thread and now feel as though my response seems a little more serious than it needs to be.. I promise that I've had fun or laughed before in my life! I'm just like the Queer Hulk, only instead of green, I sense heteronormativity, turn a brilliant shade of rainbow, and RAAAAGE. <blush>

I wouldn't worry about it. I know exactly how you feel- as a bi guy I'm often excluded from the gay community, and in my experience the broader queer community as well. I don't know what it's like for everyone else, but certainly with my experiences say, with the university queer groups, whilst female bi or curious people were excepted, as the only male bisexual in the group I was marginalised and mocked during my entire time with them. (I think not being a latte lefty didn't help, either...) Then again, I was also scorned for being openly kinky- we have the least fun queers ever -sigh-.

But you're right to an extent, P-pages (do you mind if I call you that? too late if not.) that in taking bisexuals as a subject in the discussion it could make some of us feel relegated to the role of a curiosity or quirk. I know that wasn't the intent, though. It is frustrating to find yourself in that situation in your general life.

What's it like for bi girls? Do lesbians or straight people not trust you either? Do you find people discriminate against you, in either the queer or hetero community? I'm just curious, I guess.

[pervertedpages]

I've had a problem with queer student groups too, WyldWyl. Ours, however, has weekly topics and when the local BDSM group comes in for demonstrations, it's always the biggest meeting of the year (that, and "the bisexual meeting," wherein everyone gets drunk beforehand and screams at each other because every year there's one person, without fail, who manages to squeak out 'I just don't see how someone could like pussy AND dick,' before he vomits).

I'm sorry that you experienced what you did among the gay community, and I've definitely seen first hand just how dismissive and mocking people are towards men who identify as bisexual. And it's true that half the gay men I know today came out as bi first, so that whenever any man says they're bisexual, they all roll their eyes in that "been there, done that," way. It's strange that we're part of a community that is on the forefront of academic theory and always spouts all of these inclusive terminologies (LGBT or queer over homosexual, the ideas of sexuality as a spectrum, genderqueer/genderfucking) but somehow it's just as exclusionary and orthodox as the shit we work so hard to undermine.

I find that bisexual girls who want to be "taken seriously" by the queer orthodoxy (lol at stupid terms I'm coining) around here just try to play down the "sex" part of their sexuality. They say things like "I love people, not plumbing" or try to play up that they are open-minded rather than sexually attracted to both men and women. And that's totally cool, and being wide open is a great way to live your life. And I did it, too, but eventually I realized that no, it's not that I'm just floating around all ethereal and equal-opportunity. I want to fuck women, and I want to fuck men (women moreso, and I have not had very much experience with men, but that doesn't mean that I don't actually have dirty, nasty thoughts about them too). And sometimes I want to fuck trans men or women, but have not wanted to fuck a genderfluid person so describing myself as pansexual just seems like a lie, though a rather enticing lie. Point being, I think many bi girls who are serious/active in the community try to find other terms to describe themselves. And maybe it's that they don't want a label, but I suspect it's because deep down we don't want THAT label; we don't want to inherit a label that's so loaded and feels somehow less valid. Bisexual-identified me tried for so long to make friends with this inner circle of beautiful, sapphic lesbianity but was only admitted once I had a girlfriend and stopped correcting people when they called me a lesbian (even now, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't -- try explaining "politically bisexual" as your identity every time your orientation comes up, lol). The idea that I had "proven myself" as a real lesbian turned me off and to this day I don't have many close lesbian friends at school. 'Course, I still love lesbians - nothing for it but to love women who love women.

So, to answer your question, after another embarrassingly long post, I guess bi girls experience all the same mistrust as bi guys, it's just that you probably get more flack from gay males and I get more flack from gay females. And you boys do have it worse, in my opinion, just because the disbelief/dismissive factor is ramped up more, and gay sex is still seen as taboo whereas lesbian sex -- not relationships, or between real people just female-female genitalia -- is much more widely depicted and accepted as "hot." Targeted, actual malice ('I don't date/trust/like bi girls because Bi Girl X did Y to me') I've found more within the queer community, but that might just be because we feel more able to talk freely amongst ourselves than a straight person busting in and hating on us Usually I experience the mistrust outside of the context of people who are hyper-tuned to sexual identity as an issue (so either straight people or just any people who aren't doing "queer" things like being at a queer meeting or in a class or something), so that people will just start talking about bisexuals as greedy or confused or needing to get it over with and come out, already. Just normal, over-a-few-drinks conversations where everyone somehow finds it acceptable to say things like that... Eh. Whaddaya gonna do.

p.s. Latte lefty? How delightful. Disparaging, I'm sure, but there's something to be said for owning up for my own bourgeois sense of progressivism, lol.

[WyldWyl]

p.s. Latte lefty? How delightful. Disparaging, I'm sure, but there's something to be said for owning up for my own bourgeois sense of progressivism, lol.

You can be progressive without sleeping with a copy of Das Kapital under your pillow, is all. :P

[Shwenn]

I hate to be the Debbie Downer here, but "why is it cool to be bi" and the language some of us are using to talk about this -- "claiming" to be bisexual, "flaunting," "so-called," -- is exhibiting the kind of mistrust for sexual minorities that I've heard from the moral majority my whole life. As a sexually submissive bisexual woman, I just want to make sure this thread has a little bit of comfort for bisexual women who have also been on the receiving end of such mistrust for their sexuality. Hell, I know you're not talking to /me/ because I'm not in your scene, nor do I run around kissing women for pretend funsies. But I can't helped but feel that old familiar feeling because this kind of conversation happens all the time and I can never do anything but squirm because it's hard to articulate why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I haven't done it on this thread but I use that language.

I want you to know that it isn't an expression of disrespect for actual bisexuals. I do it out of respect for actual bisexuals.

I think it is demeaning to actual bisexuals when you call yourself a bisexual because you are a woman who is willing to fuck another woman for the benefit of some man. If you do that, you are "claiming" to be bisexual. You are "flaunting," and you are the very essence of "so-called."

Your sexuality is about whom you feel romantic love for. Romantic love is a very powerful, very intense, very life changing things. And it is at the very heart of sexuality.

I really dislike it when people reduce sexuality to fucking. It bothers me as much when people can only think of gay men in terms of butt fucking. I think there a whole lot more to being gay than butt sex.

I just find it demeaning to love.

If you will only fuck a woman for your man, you are straight. It's a judgement call but I'm making it. If this is what you do and you have the audacity to call yourself bisexual, you are "so-called". I accuse every one of those people of being "so-called". And that has nothing to do with you or who you love or the respect I will have for your love.

I just wanted to be clear about that.

[DowntownAmber]

pervertedpages: I actually looked at this from entirely the opposite angle - that, frankly, it's annoying and hurtful when people "claim" to be bi to ramp up their allure because THAT is an insult to the folks that actually are. It's like throwing leather on and claiming to be a Dom or getting spanked once in awhile and claiming to be sub. Sure, being kinky may turn some heads but does it make you part of The Lifestyle a lot of us cherish? When people raise an eyebrow at the false Doms and subs out there I guess I don't feel threatened so much as glad they're paying attention. Am I missing the boat here?

[pervertedpages]

Downtown Amber --

I guess I just came from a place of being hurt because all the comments about bi fakery are things that I've heard and continue to hear as a part of general anti-bi sentiments. Especially since the anger against bi fakery is really just, these girls are acting slutty and therefore bisexual, and I hate that connection in general. It felt like the same thinly veiled mistrust -- how far is "Why is it so cool to be bi?" from the moms and dads and televangelists who tell their kids that there's no such thing as homosexuality, it's just a phase/fad/something "in" these days? I think the idea in general that we're questioning people about their sexual identity (or that they should "prove it" somehow) is already a little bit of shaky ground to stand on. Sure, it would piss me off if someone wanted to get boys by kissing girls. But honestly, I'm not that person, and I have no idea what they actually think or feel. And so the only actual difference that my being pissed off is putting out into the world is a contribution to the sense that many people are "faking" it. It just makes me uncomfortable, that's all. I'm not mad at people for being mad, I'm just saying, there's got to be some people who are willing to say HEY yes it's annoying but this is potentially not constructive, and let's think about some further implications.

With the dom/sub wannabe thing.. Eh. Aside from the fact that I'd be hard pressed to accurately claim the "true" BDSM or "Lifestyle" ideals, it's the same with me. I don't feel threatened by people doing whatever it is they're doing, be it in cheap leather or otherwise. I think they're silly, yeah, sure. But also I think, perhaps they'll find their way into something more, or perhaps this is enough for them, and, like you said, at least we're getting a little mainstream exposure. It's the same way with this bi-fakery issue. There's nothing about a girl kissing a girl who doesn't like to kiss girls that makes me like kissing girls any less. Hope that makes sense

[Masterop_99]

wel, yes as a Master I like to watch at two girls making out or better playng. But this is not why I am always asking a girl whether she is bi or not. The reason is that, based on my experience, girls whith a bi attitude are more playfull and more prone to make experiences with respect to straight girl. Going to men, yes they usually reject the possibility of being bi but I agree with whom is noticing the bi guy are the hottest...at least inmy experience. Good luck.

[denuseri]

It's not just us girls that can be bi, there is a bunch of guys out there too, i dont know what the big deal is , i allready said my peace earlier, to be honest it sounds as if some people are wanting to make some distinctions that would be discriminatory regarding thier sexuality, what about all the married men out there that run around being in sex only relationships with other men?

all i am saying is to stereotype us is a rather narrow minded point of view, its like me saying all doms just want doormatts and only the doms that dont say thier doms are the real ones etc

[annie]

I have read through the majority of this thread and honestly... why does it even have to be "labeled?" It is their life choices, done in their bedrooms. If you are asked to participate then you have a voice in what is done, if not, it's none of your business. If they make it your business then you can either respond or ignore it. Personally I see my relationships in that area to special to "share" a lot of details openly. It's no ones business but mine, period.

As to the opening statement about most sub missives being bi. Ummm... i'm sub but don't consider myself bi, even though I am currently serving 2 Dommes. Heck, my actual sexual experience with women could pretty well fit on the head of a pin. It isn't the gender that is the turn on for me, it is the power exchange and how well their dominance fits with my submissiveness. Their are as many men out there who don't turn me on either... because the dominate connection isn't there.

So, I don't consider myself bi, hetro, bi curious, or any other "label" i consider my self submissive. Period... a submissive who was damn lucky enough to find the dominate(s) to fullfil that portion of me.