tessa's first assignment: "the deflowering project"

[tessa]

[QUOTE]

Tessa,
It was not my intention to invoke too much nonsense over an interesting experiment in Point of View. I just didn't want to see you end up in some editor’s office draped over his lap with your skirt up and panties tangled about your ankles whilst an editorial paddle warmed your cheeks to a glowing red.

Ok I lied, I wouldn’t mind seeing that, but that’s not what the assignments are for.

Damn. It would have been a real treat to meet that editor and his paddle. And that pulled up skirt and taken down panties is a good look on me, too. And you could have watched and taken pictures, then we could have had a Writer's Block slide show presentation to show all the other writers how important proper grammar is, as evidenced by my reddened cheekies. ~sighs~ Oh well, since that's not what assignments are for, I'll move on to the pondering.

First as Dragon’s muse points out, the code of the Bard is that a tale can always be improved with each retelling. Now, mayhaps, you might wish to focus on your goal in this story? It’s about her and the two experiences, the weekend and the phone call with Mum. You’re also exploring differences between her and her lover, their roles, their expectations, and their thoughts. You do that by going into two different people’s minds in the first person.

That’s a tough sell.

Ok, a tough sell, but if it is done better than I did it, can it be done at all?

So the other approach might be to chose a character, (hint chose the girl) speak from her point of view, the reveries interspersed between the phone conversation are her own, about him, and about them, she can’t use his actual thoughts or emotions but can reminisce about his words and actions toward her. Working through that you can paint a pretty accurate picture of what’s going through his heart and mind. This would dramatically change the story, it would lose the sharp (and to a fumbling reader like Lews, sometimes jarring,) contrast it now has because you would now have just one story teller not two.

I think I can take a hint, but I have a question or 10 to ask. Could I write those words of his as her remembrances? Use that suggestion Mr. Dean had about prefacing the lover's words with some thought about what is going on with her? Such as, "It was her mother's voice in her ear, but her mind was still consumed with thoughts of him." - then use the italicized his-words approach? I guess I want to keep that sharp contrast in language, but make it more palatable a read (I'd hate to jar poor Lews any further). Sure, I can write it that way, but should it be done is what I'm asking, I guess.

Ok, I've been the clingy writing student long enough in this post, so I'll stop now. Thanks again for all this input, Mr. Mad Lews.

Still, a real shame about that editor/paddle thing.

Oh, wait a minute! I just saw that Mr. Dean has volunteered his editing services! Now, if he just has a paddle and you have some type of camera, we can make this assignment seriously interesting.

[Mad Lews]

[QUOTE=tessa;242583]

Still, a real shame about that editor/paddle thing.

Oh, wait a minute! I just saw that Mr. Dean has volunteered his editing services! Now, if he just has a paddle and you have some type of camera, we can make this assignment seriously interesting.

Well if you two are gonna get kinky I guess I'll need my digital and a Polaroid.
A couple of tripods, some lighting, a Video Cam, check. OK I'm ready. SO let the lesson begin.
Mad

[tessa]

Well if you two are gonna get kinky I guess I'll need my digital and a Polaroid.
A couple of tripods, some lighting, a Video Cam, check. OK I'm ready. SO let the lesson begin.
Mad

Just a few essentials for the basic grammar editing session, I see. Well, the basic type session for this place.

That equipment and those cameras probably won't help me much with my writing assignments, but what fun!

[tessa]

Lost in Conversation

“Hello? Hey, Mom. No, it’s okay. I’m just unpacking from the trip is all. It was a great weekend. Yes, that place up the coast that Laura heard about.”

Her mother’s words registered at some level, but all she could imagine were his words of greeting to her. “To have you all to myself, little one, here with me, for the first time, is such a gift. This is just the beginning for us. We will explore together and discover our passions. We will find paradise in each other. Come to me, my love. Let me lead you to the place we both crave to dwell.”

“Mostly, we just hung out at the beach. It felt so good to forget the pressure of school and exams for a little bit. Laying in the sun always works for me.”

Kneeling before him in the sun was the experience of a lifetime. “Look at you! Nothing has ever looked so beautiful as you like this. The sunlight falls like liquid gold over your body, pet. Your blonde locks splash across your shoulders as if they are the waves washing onto the shore. The ocean depths are to be gazed upon in those bewitching green eyes. And your lips, a ghrá, so luscious there on the landscape of your face, were created to be molded against mine in this eternal kiss.”

“We also took a couple side trips to some nearby towns. Just drove around until we saw a place that looked fun. Found a couple interesting shops to wander around in. I know. We were lucky not to get lost.”

Lost is exactly where she wanted to be with him. “Open for me, my love. You will find yourself, find where you belong. Never again will you feel lost or lonely, without a compass to find your way. I will be your guide for every step down this path we will travel. If you stumble, I will catch you. If you waver, I will pull you back on course. I will not allow you to lose your way along this journey. I am now your destination.”

“And I did manage to get some time to visit the botanical gardens while I was there. Spent a few hours just strolling around the place. I might take a class in botany next semester. Oh, just a developing interest really."
The only interests she had were in the possibilities he brought to her life. “’He that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.’ Remember when I had you read Anne Brontë, darling one? It was in hopes of this moment, when I could trail this perfect red rose over your body and see the brilliant contrast. How beautifully the color on the petals stands out against the backdrop of your pale flesh. Not just for this image did I have your take in those words. My wish is that you learn my mind, my passions. They are, in many ways, just the same as this perfect rose I trace along the curves of your flesh - so very beautiful, yet studded with dangerous thorns. Ah yes, my pet, feel what the stunning combination of beauty and destruction does to a body and mind.”

“They really did have such pretty gardens there. The rose gardens were absolutely gorgeous, but I really do have a fondness for them…thorns and all. And after this trip, I know I’ll never look at a rose in quite the same way again.”

Nothing about her existence would ever be the same, not after he entered her world. “The scent of you on this rose is fiercely intoxicating, my angel. And your blood glistening as glitter here on these petals tastes just as sweet as any wine. Your mind, your body, your soul all make a bountiful feast in which I long to indulge over and over again. Every part of you will cry out for me and I will always be here to take in each delicious utterance. Oh, I smell your fear, slut. It makes your pain that much more exquisite to behold. Breathe in the power of this moment. Embrace it all and keep it close. Let our coming together overwhelm every part of you. Your very soul branded now by me. There will more firsts for us. But never one…like…this.”

“Sorry, Mom? What was that? No, just a little distracted for a minute. Oh, yes. I’m sure I’ll go back up that way soon. I just didn’t get enough the first time.”

Though it was her mother’s goodbye she was listening to, remembering his parting words to her made her eyes close on a sigh. “Soon, my love. Soon.”