Biggest problem in BDSM or Lifestyle

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07-22-2008
DomCt2002

Biggest problem in BDSM or Lifestyle

[B]Once one find their place in this lifestyle/ BDSM wheither it is as a Dominant or a submissive, the biggest problem to me is finding a partner and a lasting relationship with-in it. Am I correct?

[/BAlso I find that once in the lifestyle, people look at you kinda like your a weirdo lol. They tend to shy away from you or avoid you, I think or is it just me?
The Third problem I find is in finding a partner that your looking for in your own area who wants and likes and needs all you can supply them and that includes all the kinks, desires, wants and needs and hard and soft limits or is that just me?

]
07-22-2008
hopperboo

It's not just you.

That is my biggest thing too, finding someone compatible. I want a nice in-between. Someone who can have kinky sex, who is dominant, but yet who is...eh. Not too extreme.

I also tend to shy away from people in the Lifestyle, only because I get nervous that I am not viewed as a person, more of a thing that can be thrown out when they are done playing. I've had that experience online before and I am not eager to see how much more it hurts in real life.

Plus I am kind of a chicken. I went to a munch once, but between being uncomfortable in general and not being able to get over hearing the word "flogging" out loud I don't think that is where I will find anyone. *Blush*

I want someone to fall into my lap. Or on the ground next to me so I don't get squished.
07-22-2008
Virulent

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCt2002

the biggest problem to me is finding a partner and a lasting relationship... The Third problem I find is in finding a partner that your looking for in your own area who wants and likes and needs all you can supply them and that includes all the kinks, desires, wants and needs and hard and soft limits or is that just me?

These are indeed problems, but I don't think they're related to BDSM. Vanilla people have these exact same problems too; haven't you heard them whine about it? Of the time my coworkers are not talking about reality television, I would suppose that 90% of it is spent on the discussion of problems within their boring, shallow relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCt2002

once in the lifestyle, people look at you kinda like your a weirdo

Do you walk around with a leather mask on? Do you keep a paddle on your desk? If you advertise your sexuality in public, I am unsurprised that you're treated like a weirdo. Once again, this has nothing to do with BDSM, and everything to do with the fact that the vast majority of people don't want to know a fucking thing about your sex life. If you don't advertise your sexuality in public but still find yourself being treated like a creep, is it possible that has always been the case, but you're just noticing now?
07-22-2008
hopperboo

Quote:

Originally Posted by virulent

these are indeed problems, but i don't think they're related to bdsm. Vanilla people have these exact same problems too; haven't you heard them whine about it? Of the time my coworkers are not talking about reality television, i would suppose that 90% of it is spent on the discussion of problems within their boring, shallow relationships.

+1.
07-22-2008
thrall

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCt2002

[B]Once one find their place in this lifestyle/ BDSM wheither it is as a Dominant or a submissive, the biggest problem to me is finding a partner and a lasting relationship with-in it. Am I correct?

welcome to the real world.....everyone has this same problem. Play partners, and from your previous posts that is what i believe you are looking for....just don't fall out of the sky....ready made....exactly made for you.

Have you ever tried to just be yourself and get to know people. Take and interest in what is going on in peoples heads?...You know..just talk??...no angles.......no agenda.......and not just "do you think you want to play"

Just a passing comment...but "hey baby wanna fuck"...never goes over very well.....

[

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCt2002

/BAlso I find that once in the lifestyle, people look at you kinda like your a weirdo lol. They tend to shy away from you or avoid you, I think or is it just me?

I live in a vanilla world........and am who i am. Try blending a bit. I dont try and shock people. ..."i got a pair of hand cuffs ...wanna see".

Quote:

Originally Posted by DomCt2002

The Third problem I find is in finding a partner that your looking for in your own area who wants and likes and needs all you can supply them and that includes all the kinks, desires, wants and needs and hard and soft limits or is that just me?

no..its not easy. I feel for you.....you not alone in this quest.

My biggest suggestion.......try a different approach.

PS....i like the avatar much better without the flowers......
07-23-2008
fetishdj

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiedustboo

It's not just you.

That is my biggest thing too, finding someone compatible. I want a nice in-between. Someone who can have kinky sex, who is dominant, but yet who is...eh. Not too extreme.

I also tend to shy away from people in the Lifestyle, only because I get nervous that I am not viewed as a person, more of a thing that can be thrown out when they are done playing. I've had that experience online before and I am not eager to see how much more it hurts in real life.

Plus I am kind of a chicken. I went to a munch once, but between being uncomfortable in general and not being able to get over hearing the word "flogging" out loud I don't think that is where I will find anyone. *Blush*

I want someone to fall into my lap. Or on the ground next to me so I don't get squished.

I am surprised you had these problems at a munch. The environment is usually supposed to be set so as to avoid this sort of feeling.

I am also shocked that you have been seen as a 'thing'. Most good Doms I have known do not have that attitude (unless the sub wants it) and respect and value their subs dearly.

Not everyone in the lifestyle is an extreme proponent. There are many with middle gears. I for example, have never felt the urge or need to nail my balls to a plank of wood yet this is the media perception of male masochists due to some idiots in Germany.