Humilation Debate

[SheepishJaina]

Humiliation is a great thing. Provided, that any humiliation does not do permanent psychological damage. What would cause damage in one person, is not the same as another.

Private humiliation is wonderful. Knowing that one person is the only other who will know about it, is a turn on for me. The fear that the general masses will find out is diminished, because the odds of it happening are very low. Public humiliation however is still a turn on for me, but it causes a lot of mental grief after the fact. I avoid that at all costs. There's different types of public humiliation. Wearing a plug in public, or going out in underwear or no underwear, is still private. Even though its out in public, no one else knows. Being made to walk out in public in shackles, is another story.

With name calling, call me a slut, a dirty cunt, while playing and i'm fine. Call me those any other times and you'll have to find your balls. Good girl works all the time. But with me, call me just "girl" and i can't stand it. "girl" is too demeaning.

It all just boils down to us individually really. I think the men are just more vocal publically about wanting it, but I do know that many women enjoy, and want some humiliation.

[Dragon's muse]

With name calling, call me a slut, a dirty cunt, while playing and i'm fine. Call me those any other times and you'll have to find your balls. Good girl works all the time. But with me, call me just "girl" and i can't stand it. "girl" is too demeaning.

Different people have different triggers. Dragon often addresses me as "girl" and it doesn't bother me (if someone else tried it, i am not sure who would bail on them first). He can rag on anything physical that he likes; yes my tits are small, i have no ass to speak of, even call me ugly. (again this only goes for Dragon!) BUT, even with Dragon, if you call me dumb, or stupid or anything else that degrades my intelligence, . . . . things get ugly, quickly.

[~hellish one~]

Different people have different triggers. Dragon often addresses me as "girl" and it doesn't bother me (if someone else tried it, i am not sure who would bail on them first). He can rag on anything physical that he likes; yes my tits are small, i have no ass to speak of, even call me ugly. (again this only goes for Dragon!) BUT, even with Dragon, if you call me dumb, or stupid or anything else that degrades my intelligence, . . . . things get ugly, quickly.

i agree! "girl" doesn't bother me one bit. it actually makes me smile when he calls me that. but, that's just me. like you and sheepish said, what works for one, doesn't always work for another...what humiliates or embarasses me, won't necessarily cause the next person to even blink twice. humiliation is something i have explored very little of. i like to think i am open enough to explore it more, though. i can take being called all kinds of names, but the whole dumb and stupid thing just wouldn't work for me either!! not to say that verbal humiliation is the only type of humiliation out there! ~wink~

[Echoes]

for I was told as a part of meditation during training that to speak out against any Dominant is extremely wrong - period. To accept everything, for it is his joy and his peace that is paramount and understanding does not come into this but understanding comes from experience...as you experience and learn to accept any part of his joy, pain ect...that this completes him and that was our goal...there were to be no limits...and yes I know this is not the proper way to begin...now.
Where is the limit when it comes to talking? Speaking of experiences and what you see and disagree with, what you think is abuse?
Or perhaps it should not be said here?

*added in edit*

I wont erase what I said but summarize how I feel.
...looking at IDCrewDawg's post is so very accurate. It is based on reactions, feelings and sense of being and self esteem, how it interacts between the person humiliating and the person being humiliated and varying extremes. Anything that is belittling your worth through verbal abuse and ridicule should really be addressed.

[moptop]

Humiliation is a great thing. Provided, that any humiliation does not do permanent psychological damage. What would cause damage in one person, is not the same as another.

I'm having a related conversation with a friend at the moment, and totally agree with this. Safe and consensual is at least as important for the psychological and emotional aspects as it is for the physical. Quite possibly more so.

Private humiliation is wonderful. Knowing that one person is the only other who will know about it, is a turn on for me. (...)Wearing a plug in public, or going out in underwear or no underwear, is still private. Even though its out in public, no one else knows.

I have similar lines/limits: what is between me and him, is fine, is a BIG turn on, but I don't want to share it. I must admit, I'd never actually thought of wearing no underwear/plug/remote vibrator/whatever in public as being humiliating - it just hadn't occured to me that it was! - I just think of it as continuing the fun... other people knowing? ah, well, I'm very uncomfortable with that. My tingle comes from the risk of being 'found out' - and just pushing it that little bit further. Sitting in a low sofa in a pub with his finger up my pussy. Several fingers actually. Whilst wearing a short skirt and no underwear. Now that was a challenge. God I was dripping. (Am I over sharing here?!)

Don't call me 'dear'. Don't ever, ever call me 'dear'. Unless I'm trussed up and need some teasing to get me fighting back.

[Echoes]

on the upside, to be considered and called by someone their slut, to wear anything under clothes in public ie buttpllug, bondage, *gasp* vibrator... does sound delicious. Hmmm what would be most humiliating to me right now that I can think of would be to be made to say what I want and ask for this...is this a form of humiliation? Being made to talk dirty and such?

[Jadetiger]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant. Polite and gracious yes but never a foot stool for any dominant that wishes to step on you. Submission is a gift to be given only to those worthy of it and a title does not qualify anyone as being worthy. The gift of submission must be earned with trust and respect. I will assume your dominant is extremely protective and keeps people from taking advantage of you while you are in training so to don't have to do it yourself.

Truthfully I have a big problem understanding humiliation because like many others I see; if someone likes something or I like it as well I don't see it as humiliating. While there are many things that turn others on that would get the Dom a set of racked nuts if they tried it on me. I do understand it is a big turn on for others and I accept it willingly.

I did spent 4 days with a dominant male as the submissive and many of the items mentioned in IDCrewDawg’s post where experienced. I found none of them arousing in anyway. I guess it was a true submissive gift since he was the only one enjoying the experience. What I leaned was that when it comes to humiliation you really have to care for the person for it to work. For me that takes a very long time and a lot of one on one time before I can trust a person enough to let myself go and enjoy exploring new things.

I have explored humiliation on a smaller scale when I let my sub/switches top me. I find that very arousing at times as they find it when they are on the receiving end. I think it all boils down to the chemistry of the relationship and the individuals involved. Since neither of my subs are into humiliation we don’t really explore it. I do have to make a disclaimer here. There are several items in IDCrewDawg’s list that we would not consider humiliation but we are perverts.

Psynymph,
You do have a very good point. I am a Dom/switch and I get many requests to dominate and humiliate gentlemen via cam and very few requests from women. I am not sure if it has to do more with supply and demand or if men are generally more aggressive in seeking out play partners than women are to satisfy their needs. I think it is probably a combination of both.

The psychological aspects of humiliation I think will vary for each individual, the relationship between the individuals and the experiences they have had explored together. All I can say is I would have to really care for a person and know that it triggered extreme arousal to be able to humiliate them.

Timberwolf,
I have to agree with the lady’s have a baby then generalize. ~chuckles~ kiss

[Echoes]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant. Polite and gracious yes but never a foot stool for any dominant that wishes to step on you. Submission is a gift to be given only to those worthy of it and a title does not qualify anyone as being worthy. The gift of submission must be earned with trust and respect. I will assume your dominant is extremely protective and keeps people from taking advantage of you while you are in training so to don't have to do it yourself.

Jadetiger, not to worry, I am not in this relationship anymore, it was wonderful and new in the very beginning but the more it progressed the more it became damaging. I have not entered into a relationship again since...prefering to find my way back here after a couple years of licking wounds, sorting myself out, seeking friends, looking to learn and deciding if this is the direction I wish to continue in a much healthier atmosphere.

Truthfully I have a big problem understanding humiliation because like many others I see; if someone likes something or I like it as well I don't see it as humiliating.

This was one question I remember asking with no response...how can it be humiliating if it is enjoyable?

[gloombunny]

This was one question I remember asking with no response...how can it be humiliating if it is enjoyable?

Whereas I would ask "how can it be enjoyable if it's not humiliating?"

Seriously, your question can't really be answered. For me, at least, some kinds of humiliation are enjoyable, and that's about all I can really say about it. I can't explain why humiliation is sexy any more than I can explain, say, why a woman's breasts are sexy. They just are.

[Echoes]

Whereas I would ask "how can it be enjoyable if it's not humiliating?"

Seriously, your question can't really be answered. For me, at least, some kinds of humiliation are enjoyable, and that's about all I can really say about it. I can't explain why humiliation is sexy any more than I can explain, say, why a woman's breasts are sexy. They just are.

I love how you think !

...and thank you

[vistana]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant.

heh, doormat is his current favourite nickname for me, I'm his little doormat whenever he feels like making me squirm. Entirely because he knows it bugs me...
I've been reading this discussion with interest, since humiliation play is something I've only recently been getting into myself. My interest delights the boyfriend, who has lots of fun finding new ways to make me uncomfortable.

It's interesting reading this and other forums and seeing just how variable humiliation is.
for me, I can be called any number of names with varyng degrees of humiliation, but it's always more so when he makes me say them myself. There any number of fun sexualised names with varying degrees of embarassment attached, some slurs are practically terms of affection, while others are incredibly difficult for me say. I find words to be intensely powerful, I'm a total word nerd, and a guy who can talk well is my ultimate turn on. And making me talk, when normally submission makes me clam up completely - it's hard, but hot.
What I'm finding right now to be pretty much skirting my limits is animal play...he's trying to get me to accept being called a dog, and I just end up digging in my heels and it just doesn't go. I don't know if I'll win this one, but for whatever reason I find that sort of thing more humiliating than almost anything else... he's had me kissing his feet, I've been used as a footrest, had to lick my own juices off the floor, but try to get me to act like a dog? nuh uh, can't/won't.
I don't know how long that stance will hold... I have a feeling he's going to be sneakily persistent about this, but it's my current biggest 'eep!'.

I find that in many ways humiliation play is more intense than anything else. He can beat me black and blue, but so far it's the humiliation that will bring tears long before pain does. But man is it hawt!