How important is the BDSM element for you?

[TomOfSweden]

I have a career, full time job. Just cause I don't associate myself with people outside of the BDSM community doesn't mean that I am dressed in leather, and carry a crop around with me all the time. I blend with the 'regular' crowd quite well.

Isn't this just down to semantics. I've got some close friends from New York and their definition of friend is radically different than what we in Sweden would refer to as a friend.

In Sweden the word "friend" is quite strong. It means basically that it some one you'd go out on a limb for, someone you trust without a doubt and who can trust you. Someone you would take considerable risk to save if needed.

As I understand it, in New York it just means someone you know. An aquintance. People who would stop and talk they would see each other in the street.

USA is big. I wouldn't be surprised if it's different between cities.

A New York girlfriend of a Swedish friend who lives there told me, "A thing I've noticed about Swedes, when they tell you they like you, they really do like you". Which off-course tells us more about New York than Sweden.

Same thing. Just down to semantics.

[_ID_]

Isn't this just down to semantics. I've got some close friends from New York and their definition of friend is radically different than what we in Sweden would refer to as a friend.

In Sweden the word "friend" is quite strong. It means basically that it some one you'd go out on a limb for, someone you trust without a doubt and who can trust you. Someone you would take considerable risk to save if needed.

As I understand it, in New York it just means someone you know. An aquintance. People who would stop and talk they would see each other in the street.

USA is big. I wouldn't be surprised if it's different between cities.

A New York girlfriend of a Swedish friend who lives there told me, "A thing I've noticed about Swedes, when they tell you they like you, they really do like you". Which off-course tells us more about New York than Sweden.

Same thing. Just down to semantics.

I don't consider acquaintances friends. Not a single one of you who has posted to this thread so far would I consider my friend.

Blending with people outside of BDSM just means that I am able to go shopping, or talk with people, and they not look at me and say 'wow is he ever different looking'. If someone I am talking with skirts the subject of BDSM, I pay close attention, cause I know there are others who like me enjoys being kinky. So the chance to meet these people can happen at anytime. Thus I don't alienate myself, I just don't include people outside of BDSM in my circle of associates that I would call friend.

I do agree with you though Tom, Americans use the term friend quite loosely.

[TomOfSweden]

I do agree with you though Tom, Americans use the term friend quite loosely.

It's not a question of using it losely, but communication. Any definition is fine, as long as everybody agrees on which to use.

But I do agree with you that people who are into BDSM understand more of human social dynamics. Which means that we're likely to have to do a lot more explaining when befriending the lesser enlightened.

It's like I constantly amaze people with my insights into work mates power-struggles and see clearly peoples petty motives for exactly what they are. I'm sure it's not a super-power. Rather just insights I've gained from playing it rough with ladies. Especially understanding what drives a submissive has been important for me.

I quickly understand what to do when a submissive man of the older generation is in a position of power, (= rarely a good thing). Or when I'm at a meeting and there's a conflict irrelevant to the task to be solved.