why is the bdsm scene so narrow??

[lucyboy]

Diamondcontrol you make valid points, you're experience is obviously different from mine. But that is not surprising as life is complicated.

The fact that you know male subs who's submission is not sexual doesn't change the fact that for many subs their submission is sexual and emotional and the same can only be said for relatively few Dommes.

Don't get stuck on my use of the word sex, male subs are in many circumstances deemed not worthy of intimacy or a relationship of any kind beyond public play or a round of pain and humiliating domestic duties once in a while.

I think that it cannot be healthy for guys to to be hoping for something that they will never get.

Maybe it would be better all round if some subs stood up for themselves and refused to give their submission to Dommes who refused to acknowledge them as anything but a sub.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely! Maybe it would be better if we wrestled a little bit of power away from the Dommes as human beings with needs not as subs. Pipe dreams, nothing more.

It's never gonna happen but I don't see why this upsets people.

If I said the same about a female sub who was in relationship where her Dom didn't find her attractive.

If he expected expensive gifts, only used her for domestic duties and sent her packing before going to meet his vanilla girl friend you would probably all agree!

That scenario is appalling it stinks. It is pure exploitation on the guys part. The female sub should get shot of that guy as soon as possible and go and find a Dom who will adore her in all her submissive glory.

But when I change the genders. The reaction is well she is entitled to it and if the bloke is happy who am I to argue, so what if he wants more he should be happy getting something.........

There are double standards here.

There are many sub guys living unfulfilled lives and being exploited by women who use them to do the cleaning inflict a bit of pain and send them packing before she goes to meet her husband, female lover or Dom partner.

But this is seen as a positive thing not exploitation. 'You go girl', 'shes worth it' and 'he should consider himself lucky'.

Can you not see the hypocrisy in that??

Dragons Muse you are totally stuck on four words I used in everything I have written, which is allot as you can see. ALL and LIVING A LIE.

When I used the word 'all' I was referring to all men who desire more from women than Dom/sub. Guys who have a need of companionship, above and beyond their submission.

I agree maybe my use of the word ''all'' was not appropriate but considering the amount of words I have written, to grasp on to these 'four words' and not let go is to not see the woods for the trees.

I'm just a little cross dressing subbie boy and as such not infallible so don't condemn me for the use of four ever so slightly inappropriate words.

You keep talking about how I'm telling people they are ''living a lie''

I wasn't saying that at all, but to clarify my point I will retract that statement and put it another way.

Why go through life with you're emotional and sexual needs being unfulfilled, to do that is to live in a kind of limbo.

I can see I'm going to have to be very careful, if you guys are going to pick the odd line out of everything I write and accuse me of arrogance and sweeping generalizations.

But I realise how using the word ALL could be perceived. So I apologise for that but when I said ''why spend you're life living a lie'' it wasn't an accusation so much as a whimsical lament.

[anonymouse]

When I used the word 'all' I was referring to all men who desire more from women than Dom/sub. Guys who have a need of companionship, above and beyond their submission.

Buy a dog.

[Dragon's muse]

It's never gonna happen but I don't see why this upsets people.

Just an observation, but you seem to be more upset that the rest of us are.




Why go through life with you're emotional and sexual needs being unfulfilled, to do that is to live in a kind of limbo.

But what i am trying to get across, apparently not doing a very good job of it, is that there are subs (male and female) whose needs are fulfilled by the non-sexual services that you consider exploitative. i know this will make you think i am even more of a bitch than you already do, but the only relationship your have the right or capability to judge is your own.

Just as there are some Domme's who desire an emotional, romantic, supportive relationship with their subs.

You are having a bit of trouble finding the right person for you. i sympathize with that.

i am a writer and editor. i believe that words are tools and should be used with precision. No apologies for that.

Bon chance,
muse

[diamondcontrol]

Don't get stuck on my use of the word sex, male subs are in many circumstances deemed not worthy of intimacy or a relationship of any kind beyond public play or a round of pain and humiliating domestic duties once in a while.

Why are you assuming that the male subs don't crave a round of pain, humiliation, domestic duties? Many do.

I think that it cannot be healthy for guys to to be hoping for something that they will never get.

Have you heard of "The Secret" - if you send this negative attitude out into the world - you never will get anything merely because you don't expect to get anything.

Maybe it would be better all round if some subs stood up for themselves and refused to give their submission to Dommes who refused to acknowledge them as anything but a sub. . . .

I agree entirely. No sub, male or female, should ever give their submissions to a Dom/me who does not fulfill that sub's needs. I really find it impossible to believe I am the only Domme who thinks this way.

But when I change the genders. The reaction is well she is entitled to it and if the bloke is happy who am I to argue, so what if he wants more he should be happy getting something.........

There are double standards here.

Pardon me, but this is bull. I have seen no one in this thread say a person (male or female) should be happy/content with getting anything less than what that person wants in a relationship.

There are many sub guys living unfulfilled lives and being exploited by women who use them to do the cleaning inflict a bit of pain and send them packing before she goes to meet her husband, female lover or Dom partner.

But this is seen as a positive thing not exploitation. 'You go girl', 'shes worth it' and 'he should consider himself lucky'.

This is not exploitation if these are the ways in which a sub chooses to serve. If you don't choose to serve in this way, fine. A good Domme will use a sub in a way which best suits her and the individual sub. For example, I am corresponding with an attorney sub. Domestic chores would obviously play a minimal part of any service I would expect from him. I am also corresponding with another sub who longs to serve domestically. When I told him I am too possessive to ever share a sub, he "suggested" that perhaps I might instruct my sub to wash my friend's car when she comes to visit. Which actually brings me to the question - exactly how are you submissive? - you consider service, pain, submitting to a Domme's control and desires "unfulfilling" and "exploitation." Perhaps the others are correct in advising you to seek a vanilla woman.

Diamondcontrol