Little help?

[slavelucy]

Hi Caine,

i think it very much depends on the submissive in question, who you know better than we do (obviously), i also think it depends on their relationship. Some people make it fairly clear that they would take on another sub if the situation to do so presented itself...but i am getting the impression he did not make this clear, in addition, some subs don't have a problem with being one of many subs to one dominant, whereas some really hate the notion of being one of many and need to feel important to someone in order for the Ds between them to work. Whether this be due to low self -esteem (a view i find a little sweeping, personally, but nm) or not is not the issue, if she isn't happy with it, then she isn't happy with it, fullstop.

Either way, what is patently clear is that what's happened has and will contiue to upset the equalibrium of their relationship, and he is duty bound to do something about that. One wonders why, if he really knows her at all, why he hasn't made some considerable effort to ensure that she still feels special, important and worthy of the Ds between them...even in the unusual world of BDSM we all live in, female subs are still women, and she is obviously hurt and put out by his actions..add to this her submissive nature (in wanting to please him etc) and it adds up to a whole lot of hurt.

I

t seems to me that if he cared about her happiness and took his responsibility as her dominant seriously he wouldn’t pull this on her.

i both like and totally agree with this line, he has very much 'pulled it on her', any decisions like that, even in lifestyle Ds, HAVE to be made between them...he is not only being oblivious to her feelings, but he's actually taking advantage of the fact that she'll likely not say anything for fear of hurting or displeasing him.

What i find most interesting about the whole situation..is that she is his r/l submissive yet this other person is online....based on this i find it highly likely that she feels he has been able to say things and share things with someone else that he didn't feel he could say to her...or wants to try things on someone else that he doesn't feel she'd be able to do or do to his satisfaction..and this places the whole notion of trust on very dodgy ground...which is a disaster in any relationship, let alone a Ds one.

What do i think you should advise her to do? Write down all the reasons she's hurt and all the conerns she has about it, just write them, have a good look at what she's written and then speak to him...if she feels like this may displease him or something, then look at it this way...if this continues, it will eventually effect her ability to submit to him anyway...

Tell her goodluck from me.

Oh, and she's lucky to have a friend like you who she can talk to and who cares about her.

sl