Dommely talk

[Ozme52]

I know I'm sort of just jumping right in here, but I need to talk to some folks that have been there.

My question for the day:

As crazy as this sounds, does anyone get tired of being worshipped once in a while? That even though the sub is basically begging to kiss your feet and crawl through whatever tasks you give them, you'd really just rather go to bed?

I'm sure it does, but I hate the guilt that gets attached to it. The wounded look in brian's eyes when I shut him down, compounded by the silent cuddling/worship while I'm trying to sleep and my mumbled "geroff me" rejection yet again.

And his wounded "I can't believe you don't want me" is so exasperating. I want you, just not right now, be good and leave me alone.

Every once in a while we hit this roller coaster, yo-yo place and we're in one now. It's been a tough week.

Any thoughts on breaking the cycle?

I don't know if you want any sympathy... but I do feel for the fact that no one deigned to actually answer the first question.

Let's see, you got replies from four subs, and two doms (neither of whom really addressed your question.)

For me the answer is No. I don't tire of it. Maybe because I don't have a full time sub. I imagine it would depend a lot on the nature of my relationship with my sub, but I believe I would have, by that time, trained them to be confident enough in their own self-worth that they don't need constant reinforcement.

I can imagine that dom/mes who relish humiliating their subs, and subs who crave it, create a situation that thereafter requires that reinforcement. Perhaps it is time to alter how you play with your sub so that you don't have to ride that roller coaster with him.

I assume that if I was in such a mood, my sub would serve me by being attentive to that need... and available for when it passed.

Have you given any consideration to the possibility that he is topping you from the bottom? If he makes you feel guilty... you're not in control.

[briansmine]

Have you given any consideration to the possibility that he is topping you from the bottom? If he makes you feel guilty... you're not in control.

No, I don't want sympathy, particularly, just wondering if sometimes a dom(me) feels under pressure from all the worship, attention, "you're in charge"...the fabulous offers a servant makes us. And maybe some advice on how to deal with it.

On the outside, it sounds great. I have this wonderful man who would do anything, kill himself to make me happy, but sometimes, I just feel, I guess, happy enough with what I have and don't feel like asking for more.

Actually, yes, I accuse him of topping from the bottom at times. And if I ask him if he's trying to make me feel guilty, if that's what he wants, he'll get terribly defensive and say no, he just wants to help me learn.

Thing is, if he starts adding more and more onto what I've had in mind, I'm usually enjoying both his offer and what he's thought of. But then he'll get hit with his own guilt over having "put himself out there" and tell me I didn't "make it ok". And sometimes we get caught in an almost power struggle over how to proceed. Usually though, he goes further than I would have on my own.

He's come a long long way in how he perceives himself and his place in my life. And a long long way in being able to articulate them. Just sometimes I don't WANT a worm. I don't FEEL like a goddess.

And to answer his_PITA, he uses the words worship and goddess. And I put a LOT of pressure myself to feel worthy of that. He's an incredibly dominant man outside of our little alternate world. And I love him more than I could love anyone. And I realize the value of what he's offering.

And to answer Sir_G, we both have overdeveloped senses of guilt. And we both tell the other not to feel that way. I truly wish I could learn to ask for something and not feel guilty about it. I think I'm closer than he is and I've come along way towards being able to articulate what I want. I very truly wish that he'd stop feeling guilty about "being a pervert" because dammit, after 11 years, I'm not going anywhere.

Thanks for letting babble on.

EAB