Saying the "L" word...

[alpha_Straye]

Maybe I am just a hard-arse but I have always seen D/s and love as two entirely separate forces of Nature. In other words, it is no secret that I love my alpha more than life and have soaked up too many of her tears to doubt that she loves me no less in return. But love is not the basis of our relationship. The promises that bind us were made long before we became lovers and will be kept even were we to end up hating each other.

i agree.. soooo much. it's the fact that We are not based on love that makes Us solid. like a very old fashioned marriage in a way- once the commitment is made, it's made and that's it... and if people fall out of love that's unfortunate but changes nothing. except, in enslavement to Owner, it doesnt start with Love either. It may come, it may not, it may come and then go, but the commitment is there and seperate, unmoved. the commitment to be His slave came first and far from making it dry or something it ...it makes it safe. flights of fancy dont come along and wreck the arrangement, only the side perks. love or lack of love doesnt make the commitment and doesnt break it either. and He's had plenty of slaves that He enjoyed and kept well without being in love with them one little bit. (and a couple charity cases that werent so enjoyable but He took pity and let them stay for their own good).

but if one gets the bonus and love comes along with other things.. well, no one's keeping score. it doesnt matter who says it first. my Owner thinks He said it first but to be honest im not sure. i was too upset to know how things really went. i think it happened when i wasnt home for a few weeks or something and We were arguing long distance and i'd thought He'd just walked off. id thought He was so angry He was leaving me and had just dropped me right then and there, turned off the computer and that was it. i didnt understand back then that He really meant all the things He'd been saying, that He might have been angry but He wouldnt do something like that. it didnt make me not His slave just because We were angry.

thinking He was leaving me was a big bucket of water on my temper so when i called Him i was... calm on the surface, trying hard to find a way to be reasonable and not cry, wanting to find some way to work things out. when i found out it was just the crap internet connection and not Him leaving me.. im not even sure what happened except that the dam burst and i cried an awful lot and somewhere in the middle We admitted that We loved each other. i was pretty much insensible with relief going the full spectrum from thinking He was gone from me to finding out that not only had i not lost Him but He loved me..... and all the things He'd said were true that He wasnt going to leave me for being mad at me or even for hating me (which He didnt). His affections for me weren't the basis of Our relationship so i was safe, even though He was angry.

thats not exactly the way i would have planned telling Him i loved Him.. but it didnt matter. its... its sort of nicer that it happened however it did. it was just natural, unfolding however it does in a unique chapter of Our life together. it was just Us. and a moment cant be planned. the real ones just happen.

so dont worry i guess is all im saying *smile*. i think it will take care of itself. for me it just burst out sometime in all the flurry and i couldnt hide it anymore. i think id been holding off saying it because i didnt want to admit it, didnt want to risk being wrong, admitting to myself that i'd found my One for life and therefore risking that i might lose Him, might be left, might be fooled... and then i said it anyways and i knew without a doubt that it was true and i was right. i dont remember what We said but i remember His voice and the warmth, the touch of it somehow, a deeper connection being made.. i think We both just gave up pretending it wasnt so *smile*

but i didnt really have to do anything or plan anything. things took care of themselves and it all came out right, as it should be.

[His_little one]

i think id been holding off saying it because i didnt want to admit it, didnt want to risk being wrong, admitting to myself that i'd found my One for life and therefore risking that i might lose Him, might be left, might be fooled... and then i said it anyways and i knew without a doubt that it was true and i was right..

You put that very well -- that's exactly the first half of the battle I had with myself. I still remember the exact moment I realized I loved him and it scared me half to death. I have pretty thick walls and to realize I was completely vulnerable to this person heart, body, and mind was terrifying. It took me about a week to admit it to myself and accept it before I was ready to tell him, and then it was like a switch flipped, it was ready to burst out of me but I had to find the perfect time, mood, and place -- why ? I don't know. I finally ended up saying it but only because I couldn't not anymore and I was sick of trying to analyze and wait for the perfect situation (which it definitely wasn't) We had just played, I was laying on top of him, he was still inside me and I finally just blurted it out. It took a few seconds (or what seemed like minutes) and I got the smile, "and i love you" as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. With all that was going on at that moment it was probably a bit unfair to say it for the first time but the agonizing was over and I believed him when he said it back. It's been a few weeks and while we don't say it every time we talk, it's been said every time we've seen each other and most importantly I feel immensely in the way he looks at me and touches me.