Hi Whip....since you asked me to...........lol

OK.......just my opinion.

First off it think that is a great start to a longer story and im dying to read the rest of it.

I like to see dialog separate form the body of the story if that makes any sense.

for example..

Harald watched her go, admiring her lithe form and energy, then turned to the elegant brunette kneeling on the other side of the doorway, reaching down to grasp the chain at her collar, tugging upwards slightly. She rose gracefully to her feet, Harald leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips, patting her gently on her pubic mound. "Fetch coffee for four to the library, dear one." he said softly. "At once, Master" she replied, turning slightly so Harald could stroke her clitoris lightly for a moment before patting her bottom in dismissal. Elegant in her ballet boots, she minced across the foyer, turning down the corridor leading to the kitchen. With a gesture to LaRue to precede him, Harald turned to the library doors, LaRue opened them deferentially, and Harald strode into the room, seating himself in his chair, facing the three cuffed men standing waiting for him.


I would like to see written.........


Harald watched her go, admiring her lithe form and energy, then turned to the elegant brunette kneeling on the other side of the doorway, reaching down to grasp the chain at her collar, tugging upwards slightly. She rose gracefully to her feet, Harald leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips, patting her gently on her pubic mound.

"Fetch coffee for four to the library, dear one." he said softly.

"At once, Master" she replied, turning slightly so Harald could stroke her clitoris lightly for a moment before patting her bottom in dismissal.

Elegant in her ballet boots, she minced across the foyer, turning down the corridor leading to the kitchen. With a gesture to LaRue to precede him, Harald turned to the library doors, LaRue opened them deferentially, and Harald strode into the room, seating himself in his chair, facing the three cuffed men standing waiting for him.


I also think that .......economy of words to convey a thought can be more powerful then trying to describe something to death.

for example

"Bugger it! Now what!" thought Harald,walking to the window, peering down to the street far below as a squad car pulled up in front of the building. He shrugged, turned back to his six guests. Though they were seated at ease around the room, they still eyeing each other distrustfully. He shook himself mentally, this weekend was not going according to Hoyle. He was not in the least amused.


could have been......

"Bugger it! Now what!" thought Harald unamused as he watched a squad car pull up in front of the building. The weekend was not going according to Hoyle. Shrugging he looked at his six guests who were still eying each other distrustfully.

Ok....I'm not going to do the dead horse thing with the three speeches ......

I would have liked it if you had had the girls kneel and say the speech to all three....then give parting works to each as you hand them to their new Master, telling them why this Master was worthy of HIS trained slaves.......


Ok ......OK....my humble opinion........

and Dean, this is for you. (................................................. .....) because i know the dots drive you nuts!.......lmao

Mad you know i love you!!!!!

Whip.......im happy that your having fun playing in the sandbox with the rest of us ......great big hugs!!!......*wink*.....i knew you would like it here!

Good God!!.......and Rose still has to pick the nits!!!........i love you Rose!!!


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