a helping hand

[Sir_Russell]

"I am Dom here roar with brags to big to ignore"

lets face the fact that even our own library here has a huge amount of stories here that are pure fiction fantasy. So we add to this problem. Not much of a chat room Dom just got old and found that so many were just there to ROLE PLAY.

I post my histories in my picture thread because to the best of my recollection they are true and correct not fiction. Since the library story section is just for fiction I would not feel right posting them there.

Shame that more of us don't write about real world experiences to give the newbees a chance to hear how it actually is.

I also have thought of a web site where we could list those "Dom" that are really abusers.

[annie]

I also have thought of a web site where we could list those "Dom" that are really abusers.

The website itself would be easy enough to manage... the question is how to determine the abuse and the abuser. Which standards are we going by and is the "dom" really an abuser if the sub clearly states in the introduction "i'll do anything"?

[GearJammer]

The website itself would be easy enough to manage... the question is how to determine the abuse and the abuser. Which standards are we going by and is the "dom" really an abuser if the sub clearly states in the introduction "i'll do anything"?

Annie, I don't know if I'm "supposed" to be taken seriously or not, as I don't exist "in the lifestyle" as it is "defined" in the "box thinking" version. However, from my perspective, it is a Dom's responsibility to see to the safety of his sub, no matter what her state of mind when she comes to him. I believe that he is called to rise above those circumstances and protect her anyway, and I brook no violation of that intent. I speak, of course, only for myself, and thus for my expectation of others.

Gear

[gemmy]

Annie, I don't know if I'm "supposed" to be taken seriously or not, as I don't exist "in the lifestyle" as it is "defined" in the "box thinking" version. However, from my perspective, it is a Dom's responsibility to see to the safety of his sub, no matter what her state of mind when she comes to him. I believe that he is called to rise above those circumstances and protect her anyway, and I brook no violation of that intent. I speak, of course, only for myself, and thus for my expectation of others.

Gear

well said GearJammer, it's too bad the wannabe's could care less about the subs welfare and hence the danger

i do think i have to agree with annie - if these gurls are truly dumb enough to put themselves out there with the 'i'll do anything' attitude without first learning what that means, then they too have to be responsible for themselves which unfortunately too many young people today don't think they have to (sound old much? lol). they put themselves out there teasing with photos and text to gain as much attention as possible and then have the nerve to be 'hurt' when it doesn't go their way - they are no more submissive than i am Dom.

i have watched many of these types of gurls come and go in chat rooms 'pretending they don't know what they're doing' batting eyelashes, asking stupid questions that even my daughter would know the answer to - feigning stupidity to gain attention - what's worse is watching Every man (real and wannabe included) falling over themselves to 'help' *rolls eyes* and even more so if they are of the 18 to 20 year old variety lmao so bloody obvious

[annie]

Annie, I don't know if I'm "supposed" to be taken seriously or not, as I don't exist "in the lifestyle" as it is "defined" in the "box thinking" version. However, from my perspective, it is a Dom's responsibility to see to the safety of his sub, no matter what her state of mind when she comes to him. I believe that he is called to rise above those circumstances and protect her anyway, and I brook no violation of that intent. I speak, of course, only for myself, and thus for my expectation of others.

Gear

I agree it is as much the Dom's responsibility as it is the subs. That being said though the point I was getting at is...

1) There are as many "new" Doms out there who experience the same issues as the new subs and may want to learn but don't know how to go about it. After all... they are potentially finding the same type of information that is as misleading as the subs are.

2) Who is to judge what is abuse? Just because Dom A doesn't do it like Dom B is that really abuse? Would Dom's A sub think it was or would Dom's B? The point being that, in this arena defining "abuse" is a hard thing. There are as many Doms as there are fetishes and what may be "abuse" by one isn't by another and honestly even going with the Safe, Sane, Consensual standard leaves it open to interpretation. So, who would set the rules and determine what the rules were? A murky area at best. Basically like a thread Tom started not to long ago about being in charge at parties and trying to keep everyone safe... where is that line in a lifestyle that pushes each persons limits in completely different fashions and who has the right/responsibility to determine the line and limits?

well said GearJammer, it's too bad the wannabe's could care less about the subs welfare and hence the danger

Does the wannabe not care because they are just asses or do they not care because they don't know any better? Either way a dangerous situation since we all know how good men (Dom's in this instance) are at asking for directions!

i do think i have to agree with annie - if these gurls are truly dumb enough to put themselves out there with the 'i'll do anything' attitude without first learning what that means, then they too have to be responsible for themselves which unfortunately too many young people today don't think they have to (sound old much? lol). they put themselves out there teasing with photos and text to gain as much attention as possible and then have the nerve to be 'hurt' when it doesn't go their way - they are no more submissive than i am Dom.

It isn't old fashioned it is the way things should be done... we each have to take responsibility for our own actions... even when we fuck up! The MODs in chat get a hard time at times for doing this exact thing for taking responsibility for the person when they are acting in a stupid/dangerous fashion. I know when I was a MOD I used to. BUT, there has been more then one instance where someone comes in, posts something about "I'm new take a look at these photos" or "i'm looking for a Master text me at this number" or even "Who wants to use me?" *rme*

i have watched many of these types of gurls come and go in chat rooms 'pretending they don't know what they're doing' batting eyelashes, asking stupid questions that even my daughter would know the answer to - feigning stupidity to gain attention - what's worse is watching Every man (real and wannabe included) falling over themselves to 'help' *rolls eyes* and even more so if they are of the 18 to 20 year old variety lmao so bloody obvious

That is what kills me... the Dom's that I thought I respected falling for that stupidity ploy. *rme* I will admit that there are some who's lights aren't all on... hell I burn a bulb out often enough myself. But still... for some it is an obvious act... *rme*

[Whippett]

"I am Dom here roar with brags to big to ignore"

lets face the fact that even our own library here has a huge amount of stories here that are pure fiction fantasy. So we add to this problem. Not much of a chat room Dom just got old and found that so many were just there to ROLE PLAY.

I post my histories in my picture thread because to the best of my recollection they are true and correct not fiction. Since the library story section is just for fiction I would not feel right posting them there.

Shame that more of us don't write about real world experiences to give the newbees a chance to hear how it actually is.

I also have thought of a web site where we could list those "Dom" that are really abusers.

I like that idea Russell - a resource for those new to the discipline - the real issue will be identifying the people who are the abusive predators without running foul of the law - and in a manner that makes who they are obvious - it's all to easy to change your on-line name and become "someone new".

I'd like to see some sort of international registry - we have people from all over the world on here - a site that is private to the vetted members but can be used to identify and list abusers would be most useful indeed - I'm not sure how the vetting can be done - but I'm sure that, collectively, we can put something in place that will work - even if only in an ad hoc fashion.

Listing it as a resource - and listing contact IDs who can be contacted for further information in the cities where there are members might be a good start. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here - but I think there are ways to bring it about if anyone wants to talk about it. PM me if you want to talk - perhaps we can put together a private chat room to meet and talk it over?

Cheers,

Whip

[Tojo]

Shame that more of us don't write about real world experiences to give the newbees a chance to hear how it actually is.

I also have thought of a web site where we could list those "Dom" that are really abusers.

Yes it is a shame more of us don't write about our experiences, but there's generally good reasons for that- I tend to think it's private myself.

It would be a waste of time listing the predators who set themselves up as Doms. For one thing they often use different names. Nor is it so easy to judge who's OK & who isn't- just because someone treats a sub like dirt once, doesn't mean they won't see the error of their ways.

They may also meet someone who won't fall for their lines & perhaps show them that actually becoming a Dom wouldn't be a bad thing.