Trust (or lack thereof)

[cadence]

I will openly admit that I do have trust issues, but not in the way everyone is speaking of here.

I am not accusatory, jealous or insecure about things. Well sometimes I am insecure, but that is a whole different story.

Maybe I meet the wrong people in life, because I find most of the ones I do meet to be shallow, and that causes me to mistrust in general.

I tend to keep a barrier between myself and others, and I take a long time to let it down and be completely comfortable.
Maybe I have issues?
Probably, but I do trust, because if I didn't I would drive myself over the edge.
And if I didn't I wouldn't be able to form the relationships with others that I have.
It just takes me a lot longer than most.

I suppose I should add that relationships are meant to grow and nurture, you have to let your guard down and go with the flow.

[TomOfSweden]

I tend to keep a barrier between myself and others, and I take a long time to let it down and be completely comfortable.
Maybe I have issues?

I'd label your behaviour as smart, and mine as naive. Of course, if you have a distrusting nature you won't be taken for a fool as easily. But I'm still going for my naivety. Even though it's cost me in all kinds of ways, within relationships and without. I like to trust people.

For me it's simply a question of peace of mind. Being the smartest isn't always the best.

Just do what works for you. If you're so distrusting you're pushing men you'd like to be with away... well... then you've got issues. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it. Changing our nature is, if at all possible, lots of hard work. Better to work with what you've got.

If you're inclined to being distrusting, then tell it to your guy. And just tell him, that if he wants to make you happy, there are things he needs to refrain from doing. Things that trigger your fears. As long as he does those, you'll have peace of mind and everything is great. Of course you have to give him something in return. Putting up with ones partners annoying features, (which we all have) is down to give and take, isn't it?

But if you're always distrusting no matter what he does. Then it's issues. Then it shouldn't be expressed at all, other than just explaining that you're having one of your "psycho episodes" and you just need a hug, or what ever works for you. Because if you express it, you'll just wear him down, and he'll become resentful. Just like Russell told us in his story, right?

[theladystouch]

I'd label your behaviour as smart, and mine as naive. Of course, if you have a distrusting nature you won't be taken for a fool as easily. But I'm still going for my naivety. Even though it's cost me in all kinds of ways, within relationships and without. I like to trust people.

For me it's simply a question of peace of mind. Being the smartest isn't always the best.

Just do what works for you. If you're so distrusting you're pushing men you'd like to be with away... well... then you've got issues. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it. Changing our nature is, if at all possible, lots of hard work. Better to work with what you've got.

If you're inclined to being distrusting, then tell it to your guy. And just tell him, that if he wants to make you happy, there are things he needs to refrain from doing. Things that trigger your fears. As long as he does those, you'll have peace of mind and everything is great. Of course you have to give him something in return. Putting up with ones partners annoying features, (which we all have) is down to give and take, isn't it?

But if you're always distrusting no matter what he does. Then it's issues. Then it shouldn't be expressed at all, other than just explaining that you're having one of your "psycho episodes" and you just need a hug, or what ever works for you. Because if you express it, you'll just wear him down, and he'll become resentful. Just like Russell told us in his story, right?

I'm relatively new to the boards, and I don't want anything from you, don't even really expect a reply. I just have to say it:

"Wow! What an intelligent, and self-aware way to live life."

I'll now go back to my corner and see if I can sum up my philosophy as well as you have. Thank you for sharing. You made quite an impression.