BDSM searches a question?

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I agree with you there, Cadence. After my divorce I had no intentions whatsoever of becoming seriously involved again with another man. I wasn't purposefully looking and that's when Master showed up. I didn't have a resigned thought about it, like "Oh, I'm never going to find anyone for me, so I might as well give up." For me it was more like, "I don't really want a man in my life right now, so I'm not going to even start looking for one." And then I found Him. Funny how that works out.

[fetishdj]

I agree with you there, Cadence. After my divorce I had no intentions whatsoever of becoming seriously involved again with another man. I wasn't purposefully looking and that's when Master showed up. I didn't have a resigned thought about it, like "Oh, I'm never going to find anyone for me, so I might as well give up." For me it was more like, "I don't really want a man in my life right now, so I'm not going to even start looking for one." And then I found Him. Funny how that works out.

In my experience this is exactly how it works. Certainly in vanilla dating and it seems to work the same in scene dating. I have a theory for it from the point of view of men (not sure it it works the same for women in the same position). The theory is: Women can smell desperation and it puts them off. When you are single and looking they cannot be found anywhere - they flee your desperation (and all single men are desperate, even if only to a tiny extent). Once you have someone that desperation wears off and suddenly you are having to turn away women...

Better ways to meet subs in BDSM sites? Hmmmm... not sure there is other than the good old fashioned be patient. Also, play the percentages. The more people you talk to, the more chances there are of one of them making a connection that is significant. I think the trick is to just talk and not even allow any hint of wanting them to be a sub to even enter the conversation, at least not until you know them better and they know you and you know they like you.

I have to say that I think that munches are by far the best place to meet people in the scene - better than play parties (because everyone is 'in costume' and may be more intimidating/intimidated and so not in the best situation to make friends) and better than online sites because you can see thier face and therefore thier expressions and that gives a better sense of trust. In a munch you know everyone is a scene person, you are in a comfortable environment, everyone is dressed vanilla and you can concentrate on personality and friendship rather than what fetishes you have (though you can discuss them too...).

Of course, I also understand the not being able to go to munches due to timings. I also have that problem. Is there room for another munch in your area? Maybe you could organise one at a time that suits you?