Advice or comments please

[Ozme52]

My problem with the concept of cyber being cheating is it implies neither partner can have separate friends of their own... and certainly not friends of the opposite gender. Because 'thinking" and "flirting" about someone else in real life is no less a fantasy than doing so online. More in fact...

And if it is cheating, then the old argument that reading men's magazine is also cheating. Looking at another woman in sexy clothing on the street is cheating.

I know a lot of people will say it's not the same... but I suggest it's just a matter of degree.

[DowntownAmber]

My problem with the concept of cyber being cheating is it implies neither partner can have separate friends of their own... and certainly not friends of the opposite gender. Because 'thinking" and "flirting" about someone else in real life is no less a fantasy than doing so online. More in fact...

And if it is cheating, then the old argument that reading men's magazine is also cheating. Looking at another woman in sexy clothing on the street is cheating.

I know a lot of people will say it's not the same... but I suggest it's just a matter of degree.

I guess I have come to the point where whether or not something can be defined as cheating is of very little consequence. "Rules Lawyering" and semantics are some of my favorite intellectual pasttimes and pursuits, but in the case of a relationship they matter little at the end of the day.

If something you do is going to hurt your partner then you simply need to figure out if doing it is worth the consequences or not. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not, and rules have very little to do with it.

Now, if you have rules and agreements in place (such as an open or a poly relationship) and you abide by them and a partner is still hurt by something you do, then yes, you can and should fall back on the rules you both agreed on and figure out where the agreements in place failed you. A person should also not be punished for doing something they really felt was okay to engage in.