Infidelity and BDSM

[Ragoczy]

God I hate these threads. They start as an inquiry, someone with actual questions and a desire for some input...

..and eventually we get to this vitriolic diatribe!!

But you see, Oz, that's her take on infidelity and what defines infidelity for her. That's valuable input for someone facing a situation where they're considering being unfaithful, because that "vitriol" may be exactly what that person's partner reacts with. And no amount of calm, reasoned arguments by us uninvolved folks will make a difference in that.

When the partner is reacting with that "vitriol", saying "but so-and-so on the website didn't think it would be cheating" is a less than effective argument.

[IAmCanadian]

What do you consider infidelity in bdsm? Is there such a thing?

I believe that infidelity in a BDSM relationship can be a greater tragedy than "normal".

While marriage is a weighty and meaningful institution, slavery and submission are even greater commitments. There is an entire process devoted to the dissolution of marriages, but submission to a master is something done outside the law, and inside the human heart.

I try to imagine how I would feel if the slave that I had treasured somehow went astray, falling into the arms of another. To me, it's unthinkable. In the ideal relationship I envision, I would be her life, and she mine- I would be her guiding star in all things, and she my greatest treasure. Like a guardsman standing through a hurricane, at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, I would protect her. Like the most treasured of all properties, I would keepsafe her and raise her to a place of prominence in my heart.

Infidelity in such a case seems unfathomable. To have her taken away from me by the slick words and temptations of another would destroy me- and for me to invest so much in her and then move on to another would be the ultimate cruelty. Like throwing my precious treasure into the marsh at the side of the road. No master should be able to look himself in the mirror if he does such a thing.

It's certainly true that there's a lot of kink involved with BDSM and there may be other men or women involved in the course of exploring sexual ideas and desires. But the bond between master and slave that forms inside their respective hearts, that yin-yang covenent of mutual absolution and acceptance, is so solemn a pact that I think infidelity even more a sin in this case than in the case of a traditional marriage.

I should add before I go, though, that every relationship is different. Not every couple aspires to that sort of devotion, and the tragedy level of any given indiscretion fluctuates with the value of the relationship which it betrays.

- FS

[Ozme52]

But you see, Oz, that's her take on infidelity and what defines infidelity for her. That's valuable input for someone facing a situation where they're considering being unfaithful, because that "vitriol" may be exactly what that person's partner reacts with. And no amount of calm, reasoned arguments by us uninvolved folks will make a difference in that.

When the partner is reacting with that "vitriol", saying "but so-and-so on the website didn't think it would be cheating" is a less than effective argument.

Sorry brother but if you go back and read it again... she's calling out anyone who lives differently and is calling them... us...

down right sleezy, good-for-nothing, selfish, maniacal bunch of sh!ts.

[Ragoczy]

Sorry brother but if you go back and read it again... she's calling out anyone who lives differently and is calling them... us...

I read it fine, it's called a moral judgment. I believe that someone who's unfaithful -- and please note that I mean "unfaithful" by the standards of their relationship and not my own -- is far worse than "down right sleezy, good-for-nothing, selfish, maniacal bunch of sh!ts."

I have zero respect for someone who knowingly betrays the trust of their partner.

Now to the point I was trying to make that you responded to:

If someone reading this thread is facing a decision, then that post is a valuable one for them to read because their partner may have the same attitude. And when their partner finds out and is screaming at them that they're a sleazy, god-for-nothing, selfish, maniacal little shit, them saying "well, Ozme said ..." will not have a calming effect. So being exposed to that perspective may save someone some grief.