Why do many BDSM people look down on switches?

[Flaming_Redhead]

This paragraph I do not understand..? could you elaborate a bit?

People being the social creatures that they are, they want to fit in somewhere. The problem is that once everyone claiming to be kinky was allowed entry into the clubs there began to be cliques and in-fighting. You had Old School butting heads with The Next Generation who didn't want to be told how they had to do things. The fact is that people like to associate with others of a similar mindset, and once diversity was achieved...well....it actually became harder for groups to maintain any sort of togetherness.

For example, in my own life, if my kinky friends and I formed a group, it would be hard to find topics that applied to all of us and didn't end up in an argument. My friend since high school and her husband are bedroom kinksters. To her, it's all fun and games. She is appalled, at times, that I, a lifestyler, prefer to actually be controlled. In her own words, my relationship is unhealthy. On the other hand, I find her "pretending" in the bedroom to be shallow and meaningless. Then, there's the couple who are into swinging with a little bit of kink thrown in. The wife is the dominant partner. She is also somewhat appalled that I'd prefer to let a man be in control. In her words, I'm a grown woman who can do as I please, and if he doesn't like it...tough shit. Thankfully, our friendships aren't based on kink. We can accept that we have different beliefs, but it's much harder for strangers to walk into a group of people and find acceptance or be accepting of others. It's just human nature.

[orchidsoul]

This is surely an interesting thread.

The only way I can describe being a switch is that of someone who chooses love regardless of gender. They don't identify as gay/lesbian, straight or even bi for that matter. They identify with people are people, and certain people make them want to fall in love regardless of gender.

For me, there are some people who have completely beckoned my submission. And others, my dominance. It's really as simple as that. I've never switched with the same person as it tends to be one or the other for me. I lean more to the submissive side generally, but as a submissive... I don't much identify with heavier masochism. However, my dominant mind is quite sadistic. Just tossing another layer of confusion

I'm a fairly middle of the road type person as well, and perhaps that's why I lean both ways in this regard. I sort of don't understand what IS so difficult to understand about being a switch? Hopefully we've all helped explain it a bit better.

Like was pointed out, there's few submissives who would declare everyone beckons their submissive side. Just because you may not act out dominance in a sexual or d/s fashion is not necessarily relevant, imo. You're still not submissive around certain people. It's the same really. We've just added an intimate layer.

[thir]

Thanks for making it clearer.

People being the social creatures that they are, they want to fit in somewhere. The problem is that once everyone claiming to be kinky was allowed entry into the clubs there began to be cliques and in-fighting. You had Old School butting heads with The Next Generation who didn't want to be told how they had to do things. The fact is that people like to associate with others of a similar mindset, and once diversity was achieved...well....it actually became harder for groups to maintain any sort of togetherness.

Oh woe for tolerance and diversity!!
But you do have a way with words and I do recognize the situation - even among people who try hard not to. Is there no hope for us???

My friend since high school and her husband are bedroom kinksters. To her, it's all fun and games. She is appalled, at times, that I, a lifestyler, prefer to actually be controlled. In her own words, my relationship is unhealthy. On the other hand, I find her "pretending" in the bedroom to be shallow and meaningless.

That, too, sounds awfully familiar..

[quote}Thankfully, our friendships aren't based on kink. We can accept that we have different beliefs, but it's much harder for strangers to walk into a group of people and find acceptance or be accepting of others. It's just human nature.[/QUOTE]

Well then we just have to get to know each other better - maybe there is hope.