victims of abuse support for submissives

[kalitat]

I'd also like to add my story. I was born with a hip deformity. Treatment began when I was approximately 18 months old. I remember distinctly my abuse starting at this time. The reason I remember it so distinctly is the treatment consisted of sleeping with a bar with your shoes bolted to it (like a spreader bar). The abuse continued until age 14. It involved everything from inappropriate touching to anal rape. The emotional scars continue to this day in the form of PTSD and flashbacks.

I was introduced to BDSM by a wonderful, experienced Dom who realized what I was (submissive) and how to push me yet stay within my comfort zone. I experienced only 1 flashback which he immediatly recognized and treated lovingly.

I want to open a can of worms to ponder a question I have asked myself for a long time and probably will never have an answer to.

My first experience of sexual pleasure was while I was restrained. I have often wondered if somehow I became "wired" at that time to BDSM. A nature vs nurture sort of thing.

DISCLAIMER: I know there are MANY abuse survivors that are vanilla. That being abused does not necessarily predispose one to BDSM. My thoughts and questions are specifically my own. However, I would appreciate others thoughts and opinions.

[lisasub]

Safe hugs to you, Kali...

So sorry this happened to you. I am glad, however, that I have "met" you here.

I can't speak for anyone but myself but I have wondered the same kind of thing for me. My abuse started around age 5, ended at 14 and I experienced a lot of sexual torture. My sexual fantasies from the time I was a child have included BDSM types of things. And, yes, my body responded to the abuse. Bodies are designed to respond to certain stimulation so that makes sense.

It's taken me years to get where I am in my healing, and it continues to be painful work. And it's taken me years to allow myself to really embrace my BDSM fantasies, rather than judge myself for them.

I have not acted yet in real life on my BDSM side, so I have some work to do to get to a place where I can explore this part of my sexuality - and for me this is about sexuality. Therefore my answer to you is incomplete... a work in progress, as they say. But I did want you to know that you're not alone.

Take care,
Lisa