Ideas for Domme with disabled Sub?

[Jennifer Williams]

There are plenty of punishments that aren't physically strenuous, such as privilege removal, humiliation, and frustration (both sexual and not). Of course orgasm denial is high on the list, but there's also removal of something the sub likes (my little one's XBOX is quite precious to him and most times all I have to do is look at it menacingly and he'll be good out of fear it will be taken away). I'm not a humiliation expert but there are plenty of people who could suggest things for that.

For frustration I once told my little one he had to text me every time he touched his cock, whether to scratch, piss, or wash, for an entire day (that was a LOT of texts and he was very good after that, or else I might have extended that for more days).

One night he told me he was too tired to make dinner, so I made dinner for a week and it was salmon every night (he hates seafood) for him (while I got a variety of meals he enjoys and could not have). I made him eat every bite. He's never complained about making dinner since. Oh, and I also made him pay for the salmon since that was expensive!

I really liked your essay idea, and you could expand on that to include not just what she did wrong but why she did it. Sometimes you get an answer that surprises you, and it turns out there's a deeper issue that needs to be resolved. If she is consistently being disobedient it might serve both of you well to get at the underlying issue as to why that is.

I applaud you for your endeavors with such a challenge. Just keep up the creativity and you will find things that work over time, and hopefully bring happiness to both of you!

And I should have asked this sooner, but do you live together?

[MistressMallory]

Hey Jennifer

Thanks for the ideas -- I do like the frustration technique -- I brought up the idea of my Pet being "grounded" for 1, 2, or 3 days based on the caliber of the offense and she was very, very sobered by the thought, hehe. She has a pretty high dependence on her technology (she's one of those "gotta have a Kindle, iPhone, iPod touch, flat screen TV kinda people) and the idea of having it taken away was not pleasant, if her expression counts for anything. Of course that only makes me MORE willing to do it -- if it will work!

She also hates bell peppers (red or green, doesn't matter) and I used your "salmon for a week" idea and told her I would put in the bag a punishment that she was required to eat an entire bell pepper in less than 5 minutes. She didn't much like that idea, either.

I agree on the essay, too. We've learned that she does have a natural tendency to Top from the bottom and that because I border on being Switch, she likes to try and take advantage of that so she can get what she wants (mostly getting off, but sometimes other things, too). Her version of D/s is very psychological, and it means that a certain tone of voice I take can pretty much get her to the precipice of orgasm, but only if she really BELIEVES I mean it. Part of the problem is that she tends to think that I'm more vanilla than I am, and it will take some time to show her that I don't think she's "weird" or "disgusting" or "deviant".

We have a collar on order....I'm hoping the arrival of that little piece of bondage material will also remind her of her place, both its honors/priveleges and its restrictions.

And yes, we do live together

[Dejah Thoris]

One night he told me he was too tired to make dinner, so I made dinner for a week and it was salmon every night (he hates seafood) for him (while I got a variety of meals he enjoys and could not have). I made him eat every bite. He's never complained about making dinner since. Oh, and I also made him pay for the salmon since that was expensive!

Oh my goodness!! How incredibly creative!!

[Jennifer Williams]

Hey Mallory,

I am so glad to hear that my ideas have helped you. As far as creating punishments go, I often use the "evil genie" approach. My sub wishes for something he knows he's not supposed to have- (me making dinner)- and then I'll grant it, but how an evil genie would: where you get more than you bargained for and you're sorry the minute it's out of your mouth. To me that's a good way of making the "punishment fit the crime", and it gives your brain a lead-in for creating a punishment. Anyway, that's the line of thinking I tend to use.

Part of the problem is that she tends to think that I'm more vanilla than I am, and it will take some time to show her that I don't think she's "weird" or "disgusting" or "deviant".

Like you said, this kind of acceptance and trust will just take time. You have to push a little, but not too hard or too fast. I have the same issue with my little one- he has a different fetish that's not BDSM, which he thinks is beyond weird and freakish, and I've spent years convincing him that it doesn't bother me in the slightest and yes, he can express that for me. It was slow in coming but he holds back a little less and trusts me a little more with it all the time. Just be patient but prodding; slow progress is fine so long as there's progress. I wish you both good luck!