I want to comment on a few things that I have noticed over the years.

It seems to me that the search for quality doms is subject to adverse selection. Specifically, those most actively looking for a submissive are going to be of the lowest quality.

Since this is just my opinion, I'm going to make some broad assumptions:
-Good doms excel in areas outside of internet forums.

Quality doms most likely have a job or some other form of time constraints. Every hour he spends volunteering at an animal shelter is an hour he's not searching for submissives.

And I'm going to assume this as well for submissives. So...
-Quality doms suffer from time constraints.
-Quality doms look for quality subs.
-Quality subs suffer from time constraints.

It looks pretty grim that our high-value dom and sub will meet. So what can be done?

We have two basic options:
Screening- This method involves that the submissive take action to do as much research as possible about the potential dom to find out if he is quality or not. Examples would include: Asking other people about him, reading his posts, etc.

Signalling-In this method, the dom messages the submissive and gives out information about himself to try and let her know that he is a high quality dom. Examples would include: Similar fetishes (with the sub), pictures of himself, etc.

The downside to screening is: Little or no information about the dom. Example: Not posting as to avoid the sub from knowing his actual opinions. Thereby allowing him to tailor them to the sub.

The downside of signalling is: The dom gives bad information. Example: Claiming to have 40 years of experience. Height, weight, etc.

It is difficult to say which process is definitively better. Most situations work in tandem--or at least I hope. Although, I have seen some "doms" that have not posted, nor allow any way for the sub to screen him.

Personally, I like the screening process. The sub is able to ascertain more reliable information. Asking other people about a dom is a good way to get unbiased information. I know that I said that a downside to signalling is "height, weight". That is strictly if the dom claims to be a certain height. Signalling can be beneficial if you provide pictures with your username for instance.

Now to address what flaming said:


Quote Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead View Post
The guys need to get over it, especially when looking for a submissive female! It seems rather contradictory, to me, for someone who is supposedly submissive to be making the first move. Then, you have the problem of wanting a submissive female who is a lady in the street but a freak in the bed. Ladies do not "chase" gentlemen. I'm sorry, guys, but you can't have it both ways.
I'm all for the idea that there are some things men should do first. But as I said earlier, I believe screening to be the best process. That is, a sub does her research on a dom, and makes a judgement about his potential to be good or not. If the higher quality doms can't be online at every waking hour to message submissives, then what exactly is the harm in a sub messaging the dom? I wouldn't find it awkward or offensive, especially if I had never even seen the person's profile before. I know that many women will write on their profile whatever information to stop all the messaging.

To relate with a story.. I remember about 6 months ago that I saw a thread in the "submissives seeking dominants" section. And I read it, and it seemed good from the limited information. I couldn't really screen her too well since there was a lack of posts, and her only having that message. But nevertheless, it was a pretty decent post. Upon seeing that she had only posted the thread an hour ago, I thought to myself: "Perhaps you can get to her in time before she gets flooded with messages!" So I spent my time writing up a thoughtful message to send to her. It had logged me out, so I had to go back to the personals section to find her name again. And I noticed she had posted again in her thread stating that she had already found a dom and wasn't looking anymore.

So what happened?
Due to a lack of screening, I was unable to tell she was a low quality submissive. Someone I wouldn't want in the first place. Having bad information, I devoted my time into writing a thoughtful message to her trying to relay who I am. And it was all a bust..

So that leads me to another point: I had decided that I would always write unique messages to subs. (This was previous to that incident) I know how frustrating it must be for high quality subs to receive messages that have been obviously copy and pasted. Ones that deal nothing with the sub in any way. It would seem that quality doms are being turned away by lower quality subs. And on the other side, when quality subs receive only annoying messages from lower quality doms, they get frustrated.

Most doms don't get any messages at all (well, aside from Torq ) So ladies, if you're timid about messaging the fellow because you're stuck on some concept like that. I'm telling you not to worry about it. Anything such as "Hi, tell me about yourself", will probably do.