An Emotional Connection

[StormKat]

We all talk about trust....and how trust is built over time and that trust is essential for a healthy BDSM D/s relationship. But with trust and "time" come emotions and feelings. What do you do when you find yourself starting to care what your D or s ate for breakfast or whether he or she thinks about you as much as you think about them? Now, what if your D is poly? And he or she has 1 or 2 (or more) others?

Will there always be a nagging need to keep a wall up between the two of you? And whose responsibility is it to maintain that wall...that separation? I presume it should be the responsibility of both parties involved...but then *really* letting go and allowing yourself to embrace your D/s role may be difficult.

Having just recently left just such a situation, I'll agree with much of what you've said. Time spent intimately in a D/s relationship, getting to know each other, building trust, does open you to that emotional component. And those feelings can run even deeper than the physical or mental sides of the partnership.

It's important to think about where you want the relationship to go and also to discuss it with your D/s counterpart. This may mean putting those walls up to keep it from going farther/deeper than you're prepared to take it. Does limiting the depth of that emotional connection also prevent you from letting go fully? Yes, probably. But your feelings may grow beyond your original plans even if you try to manage them.

In regards to the poly dom aspect, that can get even more tricky. If you know he (or she) already has other long-term relationship(s), you have to be cautious about what level of emotional connection he can make with you. In my experience, it wasn't establishing the emotional connection that was the problem - that just happened on both our parts. It was after those feelings were in play and the relationship seemed to be going along well for all parties that he decided to focus his time & attention on just one sub. So I would say the key is not just starting the emotional connection but sustaining those feelings across all of the involved parties.

[brwneydgirl]

In regards to the poly dom aspect, that can get even more tricky. If you know he (or she) already has other long-term relationship(s), you have to be cautious about what level of emotional connection he can make with you. In my experience, it wasn't establishing the emotional connection that was the problem - that just happened on both our parts.

I believe the emotional connection is already there for me. It's more a question of ....how deep do I want to let it get...or how deep does it need to be in order for both of us to feel fulfilled and actually enjoy our interactions.

Guilt is an issue (for both of us...moreso on my part, I think). And, if I can be perfectly honest, I do feel a bit of jealousy about the other girls. Some of them have been with him for years. He claims that none is the "alpha sub" and that he has an emotional connection to all of them on some level. I just don't know if I can/should let myself get any deeper than I already have here....I'm not sure I can accept this level of poly.

[openyoureyes]

I just don't know if I can/should let myself get any deeper than I already have here....I'm not sure I can accept this level of poly.

Would it be possible to take a break of some sort? Maybe a week or so to be apart, to analyze your feelings, needs, wants, etc. and then come to a decision on whether you are indeed in too deep, or if you are able to handle things?