Friendship

[Thorne]

That was what I was wondering: will there always be a sexual tension of sorts, just because you are of opposite sex? (Or same, for some) Is sex pushing so hard, and if so why? I mean, you eat when you are hungry, but it is not usual for most people in our societies to go hungry for longer periods.

Why must there be sexual attraction if you are close friends? I did not get that.

Sexuality is an integral part of our make-up, developed through millions of years of evolution to make opposite sexes attractive. It's part of the species imperative for procreation. So unless both friends are homosexual there will inevitably be at least some measure of sexual tension. With close friends you tend to spend a lot of time with one another, which tends to increase the emotional attraction, at least. This CAN, but does not necessarily, lead to sexual attraction, which is not the same as sexual tension.

That being said, there is also our intellectual abilities to compartmentalize, which can help to keep us from acting upon that tension or attraction. We can CHOOSE to be non-sexual. But the attraction/tension is still there, and if one of the friends becomes romantically involved with someone else it can create strains in the other friend. Jealousy is also a part of our genetic makeup, after all.

[thir]

Sexuality is an integral part of our make-up, developed through millions of years of evolution to make opposite sexes attractive. It's part of the species imperative for procreation. So unless both friends are homosexual there will inevitably be at least some measure of sexual tension. With close friends you tend to spend a lot of time with one another, which tends to increase the emotional attraction, at least. This CAN, but does not necessarily, lead to sexual attraction, which is not the same as sexual tension.

Excatly. Can, does not have to.
I see friendship as meaning that the feeling of friendship are the ones prevaling, not sexual attraction.

That being said, there is also our intellectual abilities to compartmentalize, which can help to keep us from acting upon that tension or attraction. We can CHOOSE to be non-sexual. But the attraction/tension is still there, and if one of the friends becomes romantically involved with someone else it can create strains in the other friend. Jealousy is also a part of our genetic makeup, after all.

Q: How do you distinguish between sexual attraction and sexual tension?

Apart from that, it sounds a bit like you think that because we are wired to reproduce, sexual attraction almost certainly must develope between two persons of opposite sex, regardless (more or less) of the situation. (When talking hetereosexually orientated people, obviously.) But why should that be the case? We do not copulate non-stop. We do not
feel like having sex with every person we meet, or every person we come close to. At least,I do not think so.

I think it can happen if a person happens to be needing sex - but still not nessecarily.

As for jealousy being part of our genetic make-up I do not really believe that. I think it is expectations and habit of thinking.
I know both men and women who are not jealous, and for my own part I have learned that if there is no fear of loosing and no neglect of my needs, I am not jealousy. I have experienced this. He could have sex with another women right next to me, and I did not care. I am not sure monogamy is a default either, but a choice.

What do others think of this?

[Thorne]

Apart from that, it sounds a bit like you think that because we are wired to reproduce, sexual attraction almost certainly must develope between two persons of opposite sex, regardless (more or less) of the situation.

Actually, I don't think it's inevitable. People are not attracted to everyone of the opposite sex, of course. But I think establishing a friendship first brings about a large degree of familiarity between people, and that familiarity CAN develop into a sexual attraction more easily.

As for jealousy being part of our genetic make-up I do not really believe that. I think it is expectations and habit of thinking.
I know both men and women who are not jealous, and for my own part I have learned that if there is no fear of loosing and no neglect of my needs, I am not jealousy. I have experienced this. He could have sex with another women right next to me, and I did not care. I am not sure monogamy is a default either, but a choice.

Perhaps jealousy is too strong a term for what I was saying. Envy may be more accurate. True, some people feel it more than others, and some may not feel it at all. One thing that's true for all of us is that there is nothing that is true of all of us.

[thir]

One thing that's true for all of us is that there is nothing that is true of all of us.

Well said.