I think that for me a series of rejections set it off. I've always had this want to belong to someone. Every man I've ever had in my life up until four weeks ago has hurt me abused me or rejected me all together. (yes including family) Over the years the want I had to belong to someone grew and grew into an obsession.

My stepfather sexually and physically abused me for two years when I was younger. I dont remember much of it but I do remember that it was because of his constant beatings that I trained myself to like pain. I got sick of crying for him and giving him the satisfaction of hurting me so each day I though of the sting of a belt a little more and prickly and soon enough I began to like it. I was still a good little girl bur there are somethings that I couldn't change even after I got of that situation. If someone hit me in a fight I loved it...I loved how the pain made me feel and wet it made me. I did stretches constantly when I had time to keep my muscles sore so I could have a bit of pain to carry around with me each day.

Deep down in my heart I'm a sub but only to Master Dave. And lately I'm completely fine with my need for a little pain in my sex.