Jealousy

[Ozme52]

She must channel her obsession into being the very best slave she can be, for you, by your standards and rules. Then her obsession will benefit you both.

YOU must assure her (somehow) that she pleases you very much and that she is in no danger of losing you as her master. Her jealousy stems from the thought she might lose you. IMO, all jealousy stems from fear of loss. Her own words confirm this... that she feels inadequate and that it is inevitable you will find a better slave. This means that somehow, you have left her insecure.

That said... to 'propertyof..." I say, you have to believe your master when he tells you of your worth to him. In fact, telling him you are inadequate despite his reassurances... just may convince him you're right. So stop doubting yourself. He's owned you for three years. That''s nigh on 30 vanilla-years in an ordinary relationship. Time you relented and take his word for it. Afterall, Master knows better than you what makes a good slave.

[thir]

YOU must assure her (somehow) that she pleases you very much and that she is in no danger of losing you as her master. Her jealousy stems from the thought she might lose you. IMO, all jealousy stems from fear of loss. Her own words confirm this... that she feels inadequate and that it is inevitable you will find a better slave. This means that somehow, you have left her insecure.

despite his reassurances... just may convince him you're right. So stop doubting yourself. He's owned you for three years. That''s nigh on 30 vanilla-years in an ordinary relationship. Time you relented and take his word for it. Afterall, Master knows better than you what makes a good slave.

I think if she has been owned for 3 years and still feels insecure this may not be something the Master can help her with. Or not simply by reassurances. If she could 'stop it', I rather think she would have by now. It is a painful feeling.

Discussing jealousy is a good topic and always relevant, seeing how it torments so many people. I personally do not think for a moment that it is all about losing, rather I think that jealousy is a header of sorts that can cover a great many feelings/problems.

One is fear of losing, true, and this can be relevant or not. I wonder why so few doms are sharing their slaves? Could it be because they would be jealous because of feeling possessive - or inadequate? Because logically there is no reason why not, and it would certainly solve another reason for jealousy in slaves/subs: that they simply aren't getting their needs met because, as poly people say 'love is unlimmited, but time isn't'.

Another reason for jealousy can be that people are not treated equally.

And then there is the feeling of insufficiency which is quite real, as in my example.

And yet another the simple reason for jealousy is that we live in a monogamous society that all but promotes jealousy, making it a hallmark of true love. But it isn't. Whatever 'true' love is, it isn't obsessive in a bad way, or possesive in a bad way. Bad, as in 'if I cannot have you no one can' - bang! It is about making your loved one happy. IMO. With hard work, if needed, but not with sacrifice.

I myself must agree with denuseri that all involved parties must agree to a poly relationship if it is to work - must want it.
And I can't help feeling that it is a bit easy to see fault in subs who try to share, while the dom is sitting pretty with no such problems.

In other words, I think that jealousy can be seen as coming from two sources: totally reasonable ones, where it would be impossible not to be jealous or feel bad, and not real ones, where the problems are not directly connected with the relationship as such.

I feel that a continued jealousy problem - continued unhappiness - can be either in the person, or in the situation, and it is vital to find out which before you begin to try to find a solution.