Need some input on some issues (long read)

[hand of doom]

I'm not sure where else to turn, or if this even help, but here goes:
I have been into BDSM on and off for quite a while now. As life has thrown me its various curveballs, I've slowly drifted further from the thing that makes me feel like myself. Now trying to return to the life, it seems things have changed, or maybe I have. I've had two great submissives in the past, spaced by vanilla relationships and attempted D/s relationships of varying success. I took some time out from any type of relationships for a while to kinda get my head straight. Recently, I decided I would like a relationship once again, but I've been stymed it seems. I joined the obligatory sites like collarme, but I don't seem to feel comfortable with it. All my previous relationships stemmed from friendships, even the D/s ones. It seems these sites are all business so to speak, and while people say they are looking for friends, it doesn't really seem that way. I guess I don't come off like the typical Dom online. Or in real life for that matter, until I feel a level of comfort and trust, which is what I thought was the foundation for relationships in this lifestyle. Am I being overly critical? Or am I just having a hard time adjusting to the online meeting aspect of things? I hope this makes some sense.

[fetishdj]

Online is often a difficult way to meet people and feel comfortable with them and there are so many inherent dangers in meeting people off the internet that it can be almost impossible to build the right level of trust.

You may find better success if you use the internet to find out locations and times of munches and parties and events in your area. Go to these and meet people there and let it be known in those circles that you are looking for a sub. Eventually something will come up. You don't even have to be worried about going alone to these places. Usually one of the organisers will help you out by introducing you to people and making sure you get involved in things.

[Curiouslittleangel14]

Hey I understand where your comming from although I am completely new to BDSM lifestyle. I feel similar to what your expressing and kinda still feel lost and wanting more than just "business" so to speak. This site is pretty helpful and alot of the people are really friendly. Maybe if you poke around here and keep your eye out you may find what your looking for. I wish you the best on your search and if you need to talk you can message me or keep posting on the forums or pop in the chats.

Good luck hun

[Flaming_Redhead]

I know what you mean. I'm on CM, too. No one has actually wanted to befriend me without some ulterior motive. That being said, I've met 2 dominants from that site after sorting through literally hundreds of emails. The first relationship lasted a year. The second is progressing quite nicely. It may be harder or more frustrating to try to get to know someone online, but I didn't find any viable alternatives at the local dungeon. The key to using sites like CM, I think, is to be very specific about what you're looking for because there are thousands of profiles, and finding a good match is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack. Try to find someone relatively local so you can meet rather quickly. Face to face is still the best way to find out if someone is for real.

[Wyked Bytch]

I understand your delimina and for many the online sites are not fulfilling but you have been given some great advice by the others responding to you, I can only repete when has been said, check your local bdsm groups ( yahoo groups is a good place to start) and find a munch or meet and greet, there you can meet people before any discussion of play coes into the conversation, and there you can take things as slow or as quick as YOU like....I hope this helps. Wyked