Who/what brought out the inner sub in you

[unmastered]

Just a wanted to hear from other subs as to their journey into submission.
I posted a question to the Dom's about domination and stated that it is easy for us, because we only have to find the right Master or Mistress to give ourselves to.

The only hard part for me was finding the courage to shed my old way of thinking and to accept who i truely am. I am a professional woman, a mother, and a have a whole host of friends. With all of that I was never ever fullfilled.

I knew from the start that i loved to be dominated,but did not have a name for it. it wasn't until i started to release my vanilla lifestyle and old way of thinking that i was totally free to be me!

I am extremely lucky to have a Master who is kind, patient and strict with me. He has taken the time to get know me, what i like, what my limits are and pushes me to places i never thought was possible! ( thank You mySir)

Since meeting Him, I know that I will never return to my old life and look forward to a life in service. He also taught me that my submission is a gift not a sexual toy or something to be used and taken lightly.

It has been a eye opening experience, and W/we have just begun!...lol




unmastered

[BryansGrrrl]

Looking back on one of my vanilla relationships, I can see how it was borderline D/s. My ex used to tell me how to dress, who to talk to, etc. But he wasn't a Dom. He was just an ass-hat.

After that I went into another vanilla relationship where I almost went for the exact opposite kind of man and ended up mostly controlling him.

Now, with Mia'Cova... I can see what I was looking for. Someone who lovingly dominates me, but also allows me (encourages me!) to be myself. He inspires me to be more than I ever was before, pushes me to be more. He wants me to succeed and wants a partner for this life. We may have a D/s relationship, but we are equals. He has allowed me to submit, and it is just as much a gift for me as it was for Him.

[Lisais mine]

Looking back on one of my vanilla relationships, I can see how it was borderline D/s. My ex used to tell me how to dress, who to talk to, etc. But he wasn't a Dom. He was just an ass-hat.

After that I went into another vanilla relationship where I almost went for the exact opposite kind of man and ended up mostly controlling him.

Now, with Mia'Cova... I can see what I was looking for. Someone who lovingly dominates me, but also allows me (encourages me!) to be myself. He inspires me to be more than I ever was before, pushes me to be more. He wants me to succeed and wants a partner for this life. We may have a D/s relationship, but we are equals. He has allowed me to submit, and it is just as much a gift for me as it was for Him.

but that is the way it is supposed to be, pet. You and i are a wonderful pair. you make me whole and able to rise to another level.

[superfuture]

For me, I didn't understand what being submissive meant. I tried hiding behind vanilla relationships where the men in my life, could not 'handle' me, and/or would turn into very bad experiences in their attempt to force submission out of me. So I let go of any type of relationship for a long time, focused on my family and career, which in some ways has been beneficial, but I knew that something was lacking - an elusive wisp of an existence that I was searching for....

Ironically, I was to discover the possibilities through a chat room on a vanilla site. I was going about the chat room... as I have always done... <inserting a comment here... or my opinion there..> but on this day, someone had made a comment about flogging someone else in the room... and my eyes perked up, and I made a casual reference to that person being a 'Dom'.. and chuckled it away. Well he sought me out.. sent me an email.... and after chatting... my eyes were opened... I had finally found what I had been searching for, a name to connect with all of the feelings that I held deep within my heart. I am very grateful for that particular person, and his patience in explaining some of the finer details.

[steelish]

but that is the way it is supposed to be, pet. You and i are a wonderful pair. you make me whole and able to rise to another level.

Awwwwwe. You two are so great!

[ShadePayne]

As you put it

"I posted a question to the Dom's about domination and stated that it is easy for us, because we only have to find the right Master or Mistress to give ourselves to."

No, frankly it isn't easy for us. You make it sound as if you just give yourself to someone and they are responsible for any and everything you do. They don't, for you are a human and have thoughts and ideas and choices....do you not. The experience is what you make of it. Yes, the experience level of ones Dom has alot to do with it too and yes our Dom's are there to teach, guide and correct us as need for this is what they chose to do. They picked the role and played the part....(i personally have a Dom that did not pick nor play a part becasue it is natural and very instinctive for him for this is who he is)...as we picked the role that best suited us. So, please don't take being a sub lightly for i do not...becasue there is nothing easy about it.

Take a moment to read the following please:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...709#post810709

[unmastered]

As you put it

"I posted a question to the Dom's about domination and stated that it is easy for us, because we only have to find the right Master or Mistress to give ourselves to."

No, frankly it isn't easy for us. You make it sound as if you just give yourself to someone and they are responsible for any and everything you do. They don't, for you are a human and have thoughts and ideas and choices....do you not. The experience is what you make of it. Yes, the experience level of ones Dom has alot to do with it too and yes our Dom's are there to teach, guide and correct us as need for this is what they chose to do. They picked the role and played the part....(i personally have a Dom that did not pick nor play a part becasue it is natural and very instinctive for him for this is who he is)...as we picked the role that best suited us. So, please don't take being a sub lightly for i do not...becasue there is nothing easy about it.

Take a moment to read the following please:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...709#post810709

Please forgive me if I insulted you in anyway. It is in no way my intention to downplay your ( or anyone elses) submission. I think you took my statement the wrong way. I agree it is not easy for us. My point being is that, I think, ( and this is ONLY MY thought) is that Doms have a hard job by getting to know us as no one else does, the time and effort to care for our emotional and physical well being, along with tempering their own desires,anger, fustrations and needs without crossing the line in their role as our dominants.

For the record, I am a firm believer that not everyone deserves a front row seat in my life, so the screening process is not one to be taken lightly.

So, once again, I offer my sincerest apologies if I offended you in anyway.

unmastered

[munajadida]

I'd always wished my first husband was more forceful, but it never crossed my mind that I might like something more than that, until I was at a Hustler store and saw a pink and black crop and just had to have it. XH never once used it on me. I guess he thought it was just a joke.

Right after we split up, I had a threesome with a couple who gave me my first real spanking (with that very crop!) and that was all it took. I was hooked. The first time I had sex with my now-husband, he grabbed a handful of my hair, forced me to my knees, and said, "Suck it, bitch." I think I fell in love with him at that moment. *Disclaimer - we had talked before and he knew I was interested in trying D/s, so he wasn't just being a dick. Since then my husband has led me down a wonderful path, pushing me farther than I knew possible. Our collection has grown from that single humble crop to include a paddle, two whips, a pinwheel, and various other implements. I can't get enough!

I don't know that I would have found this path without my husband. Our personalities fit together so perfectly. Of course, trust has so much to do with it. I trust him so much and I don't think I could have that level of trust with someone else.

[denuseri]

I started out young quite by accident. I dont know if I was born this way or anything and frankly as 20/20 as hindsight can be I still think when one looks back they see what they want to see on some things like was I allways submissive or not etc.

My first exposure to bdsm was also for the most part my first exposure to any real relationshop of any kind sexual or otherwise when you get down to it.

I went on a long journey with manu dominants that hasnt become a spirital one until the past few years under the tutulage of now Husband and Owner who has allways liked to say that:

"Submission should be gently coaxed forth from a woman like dawn's embrace the petals of a flower".

I owe him much and will be forever grateful that he tuaght me what true submission is really all about.

"It is a bueatiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her "love" Master and the man realizes that this girl kneeling before him tears in her eyes is his utterly , his love slave."

[kaerose13]

well, i am one of those subs who feel its always been in them, though with people i can overpower i get a bit Domme-ish.
as a little kid, only 8 or 9 years old, i would play dress up and pretend that i was kidnapped and sold into a brutal harem where i was beaten and raped repeatedly. . .yes at only 8. and nearly all of my games or physical activity involved me getting more than a little scraped and bruised. (this was all probably related to sexual abuse as a very young child)

in highschool i got myself into an abusive relationship that brought out the bad side of my submissive nature. it wasn't a D/s relationship, he stole control of every aspect of my life--it was never given. but i didn't care, he took away my identity and free will. i know i could have physically over powered him at that time, but i did nothing. i didn't even say "no" to anything (but i never said yes).

anyways. . .i eventually got out of that horrid situation. my current Dom started to bring out the good aspects of my submission, as i bring out the good of his dominance. we both seem to care more for the other's pleasure than our own, which is how i feel a true bdsm relationship should work (for us at least). unfortunately we stopped seeing each other for a few months mostly because he wasn't honest about his emotions, but gladly we're back together again and so far its much better now :-) i know that He could never actually harm me, and He knows that i will willingly do anything for Him.

[Amouthfulofsin]

well, i am one of those subs who feel its always been in them, though with people i can overpower i get a bit Domme-ish.
as a little kid, only 8 or 9 years old, i would play dress up and pretend that i was kidnapped and sold into a brutal harem where i was beaten and raped repeatedly. . .yes at only 8. and nearly all of my games or physical activity involved me getting more than a little scraped and bruised. (this was all probably related to sexual abuse as a very young child)

in highschool i got myself into an abusive relationship that brought out the bad side of my submissive nature. it wasn't a D/s relationship, he stole control of every aspect of my life--it was never given. but i didn't care, he took away my identity and free will. i know i could have physically over powered him at that time, but i did nothing. i didn't even say "no" to anything (but i never said yes).

It's like you're speaking from my heart...I cannot really say when it started, but it started young. I can't think of a time when I wasn't aware of sex, or how it held all the people around me in thrall - or a time when I wasn't a victim of that need in other people.

My first lover was a woman, and she was horribly controlling - just like you said, I never gave her that control, she wrested it from me in the worst possible way. I can't even say that the sex was particularly satisfying for that reason, since it wasn't joyful and willing submission.

To be honest, I never found sex particularly fascinating or satisfying until I gave in to my desire to be dominated, or dominate...I would make love with women, and it was good, but not mind blowing, so I tried men, and it was good, but nothing special. I thought my past experiences had made me frigid (or so my lovers would complain), but when Someone came along and showed me the sweet side of submission, I felt a cathartic release more intense than any paltry pleasure I'd ever felt before...I discovered why it was I had felt so frustrated and unsatisfied in all my "vanilla" liaisons.

I felt like I'd finally found a part of myself that had been taken from me, and I'm a more happy, balanced, and secure woman because of it.

[LolitaDoll]

I have always felt submissive before I even knew what it was. I always aimed to please, constantly focusing on others and their happiness over my own. I didn't know what submission and BDSM was until I was 14. I met my first Master and he taught me what its like to be truly submissive. He looked out for me and cared for me even knowing I was at such a young age. From there, everything just sort of fell into place for me.

I've spoken to a lot of Dominants and other subs over the years and have read as much as I can. Everything I know and the person I've become has evolved from the knowledge I've gained and experiences both good and bad.

I'm hoping my fiance and I will soon be able to have a D/s relationship. He is a kind and gentle man. He loves me for me, inside and out. He'd never hurt me like I have been hurt in the past. He's only just found out about BDSM since I am the first to tell him about it. Things are going slow so that he has time to properly learn the life. Its been a wonderful journey so far.

[Saheli]

Well....I remember when I was like 10 hearing stories of girls who got kidnapped and were raped over and over...I remember that I was expected to feel sorry for them, but instead I kind of felt jealous. I didn't have a death wish, but the idea of some stranger busting into my house and stealing me away to fuck me repeatedly over a period of days or even weeks definitely made me sopping wet. I didn't really understand why I desired that, and it occured to me that those thoughts were probably not normal, and I should definitely never tell my parents about them. But everytime I would masturbate, I'd fantasize about it.

Less than a year later my step-dad fingered me while we were on a camping trip after my mom fell asleep. Now, I'm not into incest, but at 10 that was a pretty new experience. And I have to say it felt pretty good. It was dark, so I didn't have to look at him...I just decided to play dumb and enjoy the physical aspect of it. I pretended like I didn't realize it was wrong, since that's what a lot of young kids report as they get older. I didn't relish the fact that it was my step-dad, but let's face it...it was less energy that I had to put out.

As I got older, I started doing a few different kinds of drugs and had recently discovered coke. I'd had sex with this particular guy a couple of times, and he invited me to a party...his friend's birthday party.. So I went; he drove me. Turned out I was the only girl there (should've gotten the hint but didn't)...guess how that turned out? I wasn't sure about letting them all fuck me, but I was fucked up so I knew I couldn't have left even if I wanted to, and the idea kind of turned me on. So I said fuck it and let them have fun until they got tired. That was the first time I really felt helpless, because I was. I don't really know if it should be considered rape; I mean I said they could, but there wasn't much of a choice involved, either. At the end of the day, though, I realized that what turned me on so much was the being helpless.

Why else would I fantasize about being kidnapped and forced to do demeaning things? Why else would I let my step-dad finger me for 6 years? Why else would I let a house-full of strangers fuck me until they fell asleep? When I thought about all those things, and then thought about how my sister fucks (missionary...only), I realized that a vanilla relationship would probably just not be enough to satisfy me.

I don't know a whole lot about BDSM, except the basic ideas...I'm not a masochist, but it's all about not being in control...it isn't nearly as physical for me as it is psychological. So if the person in control wants me to hurt, then it turns me on but not because I'm hurt...because I can't stop it, and because the person doesn't care how I feel. (Let me just add that it is important that my Dominant cares how I feel in general, but it does not matter to me whether He cares about my feelings about a particular activity in a given momet...does that make sense? Of course caring is important: it's what lets me know that I probably won't be killed and that no matter how distastefully I'm treated, there is some concern about me there...somewhere.) So I'm exploring all the things that I like and what I don't like and why, and experimenting with different ideas I come across. So if you have any ideas, let me know and I'll write you back and tell you how it went!

[WifeMomSlave]

I have thought about this question a lot lately. I think I have it finally figured out.


I have been thinking back to when I first started dating and even before then. I was looking for clues that I was submissive. I think under the surface I have always been like this, however due to how I was raised and being an independent smart assed " no man will tell me what to do" type. I never gave it much thought.

I have been married for going on 12 years. We have been though a lot together as any couple has who has been together this long. We met in high school and married right after graduation.

I finally realized that though everything, even though we just recently found out about this life style, and that it is for us, that all this time my husband has always been my Master. He has always been there fore me, he has always been a teacher, a friend, a lover, partner in crime, what ever I needed, he has provided it. So, it just seems natural now that we are on this path. It feels natural because we have always been headed in this direction, we just finally got the map.

Master brings out the submissive in me, always, and forever.

[SweetTeenObeys]

oooo... well im a natural ppl pleaser, so it was easy for me to figure that i was a submissive... now im just trying to learn things to be the perfect submissive.

[Dejah Thoris]

My earliest memory of this is when the boy across the street tied me to his backyard fence to play a scarecrow for his mom's garden...and I liked it. I encouraged my most recent ex to be more "alpha" in regards to sex, but it wasn't in his nature and I didn't push it.
I've longed for a real D/s relationship but am at square one, just now beginning to explore. Like Sweet above, I have always been a natural pleaser and enjoy the thought of giving myself into submission to another - to live to please.

[lilyrose]

IT seems that I have always had to be the one in control. of my work, my family and that ass that I was married to. I never felt comfortable in that role other than at work. I knew that there was something different about me for years, but did nothing to act on it. I was stuck in Vanillaville and unsatisfied and frustrated. WHen I approached my ex about maybe trying a few things he was so against it, it never got discussed again. when I had been away from him and got my mind cleared of all the garbage, i realized that my relationship what that of two subs no dom. he was just a male sub in denial.
I am now fully researching and reading, asking questions of experienced doms. THANKYOU ALL THE SIRS! I still have no real life experience to speak of, and am looking to find a dom locally who has the experience and patience to train a very willing and trainable sub.

[Alley]

As I'm reading through these replies, I'm finding it very interesting how most of you knew you were submissive at a young age. I had an inkling, but I never pursued it any further because I come from a very...not necessarilly "strict" or "religious" family,(religion in my family has always been one of those "okay, we're religious so that the neighbors shut up", seeing as my dad liked to claim that he wasn't a "practicing" Catholic), but a close-knit kind. Because my father is a Marine, we've moved around a lot, and that affected how me and my family held on to relationships. We were very comfortable with the idea of leaving after every three years because there was the phone and all that jazz, but my mother, secretly, doesn't like people all that much. But she keeps up appearances. And that's something that I've learned from her. I keep up appearances.
So I surpressed those little wantings for something less-than-appearance appropriate.
Well, until recently.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 to a guy that was a considerable deal older than me, and also the reason I more or less discovered who I am and what I enjoy, something I'd never experimented with before. Mostly because it was extremely hard for me to form emotional connections with the people that I was "supposed to be dating" at my age. I mean, when you're 14, 15, 16, a D/s relationship is not considered "healthy" or "normal" in a time when I should be dating high school boys and going to prom and getting my driver's license and applying for college.
So I did all that. Because I had to, not because I wanted to. I was- literally- guilt-forced into going to homecoming and prom my senior year by my mother, because I'm her "only daughter". Come graduation day, I left immediately after I picked up my diploma and didn't say goodbye to anyone. My mother understood
(side note: I live in one of those "perfect" communities, where everyone has a manicured lawn and the subdivisions are gated and everyone is friendly to your face and all the wives drive minivans and are married to former football players in high school or business executives. It would appear extremely cutesy and perfect to an outsider, unless you know about the double murder-suicide that happened recently. It was kept very hush-hush).
So summing that whole ridiculously long post up, this is new to me, and I really want to explore the lifestyle. And I'm glad that there's something like this, and that I'm not just strange.

[raineyswench]

Just a wanted to hear from other subs as to their journey into submission.
I posted a question to the Dom's about domination and stated that it is easy for us, because we only have to find the right Master or Mistress to give ourselves to.

The only hard part for me was finding the courage to shed my old way of thinking and to accept who i truely am. I am a professional woman, a mother, and a have a whole host of friends. With all of that I was never ever fullfilled.

I knew from the start that i loved to be dominated,but did not have a name for it. it wasn't until i started to release my vanilla lifestyle and old way of thinking that i was totally free to be me!

I am extremely lucky to have a Master who is kind, patient and strict with me. He has taken the time to get know me, what i like, what my limits are and pushes me to places i never thought was possible! ( thank You mySir)

Since meeting Him, I know that I will never return to my old life and look forward to a life in service. He also taught me that my submission is a gift not a sexual toy or something to be used and taken lightly.

It has been a eye opening experience, and W/we have just begun!...lol




unmastered

I'm reading this and find I have just read all about me.....I certainly don't feel so lost now thank you BDSM

[lineshtoserve]

i'm reading this and find i have just read all about me.....i certainly don't feel so lost now thank you bdsm

any one interseted for new slave

[Misato36]

I was introduced by my first boyfriend. He had experience in bdsm and showed me the benefits of bdsm. I have been active in bdsm ever since.

[marliexe]

I'm pretty new to this also. I quess like many I might have know I to use to dream of getting kidnapped and raped and instead of scarying me I got excited my stepfather started fingerings me and moved on to having sex with me when I was 15 and instead of hating it I liked it. I married a man that dominates me only verbally when I found some books about bdsm I relized I was a sub always had been tried to get my husband intersested but he was not for it so I turned to the internet for my answers I'm starting to realize I'm not alone with these feelings

[leo9]

Like a lot of the contributors here, my sub fantasies go back to early childhood. Long before I knew about sex as anything but the way grownups made babies, I got a special kind of excitement from stories where people were tied up and tortured or made to work as slaves. At school I was teased and laughed at and hated it, but I still made up hotly exciting daydreams in which I was stripped naked in the playground and made to do humiliating things.

Eventually I added fantasies of doing those things myself to my enemies, but for a long time it was still more fun to imagine being the victim or slave myself. When I finally managed to persuade some playmates to play the games I wanted, it was me that first got tied up and undressed.

When I actually started doing it for real, I found I prefered to be in charge - if only because nobody else seemed to understand what I wanted done to me. But though that set me on the road to being mostly Dom, the sub side is still there and still (with the right person and setting) as exciting as ever.

[thir]

Just a wanted to hear from other subs as to their journey into submission.

I did not know from an early age what was hidden in me. In fact, it was sprung on me like a bolt out of the blue in my early twenties, when I had a very peculiar and intense dream about being tied up. I was completely baffled by it and the strong exitement it created. A few days later I had a dream about whipping someone, equally surprising and equally intense.

I kept having them until I started to do something about it, however confused I was about the whole thing.

As many have described it wasn't actually submission, it was being forced in a most physical sense. Being helpless. And the other side was about being in control.

I have never understood what brought it out/on, but it has been with me ever since :-)

[NiNLover]

First off:

Whoo hoo! I'd just like to say that 'cause now I know I'm not crazy (at least not in a bad way ). I knew there were others out there, but to actually see it is a different feeling altogether.

I think somewhere in the back of my head I always knew. I liked to be tied up young, I liked not being in control of things. Psht, I still don't, but it's a little more defined. It just got more confusing later because I brought light D/s into one of my relationships. It didn't last, but it helped me figure out that I wasn't normal in the "normal" sense.

[Jennifer Williams]

First off:

Whoo hoo! I'd just like to say that 'cause now I know I'm not crazy (at least not in a bad way ). I knew there were others out there, but to actually see it is a different feeling altogether.

*agrees completely*
Isn't it the best feeling ever, knowing you're not alone? And you will find that this place is absolutely wonderful for finding good people to talk to *hugs the Library*.

[ceja]

when i was a sophomore in high school named katrina. she was a good friend of mine but would love to humiliate me in public. when i realized it i was in gym class when she dominated me with her feet in front of the whole class then made me stand up to see my erection for some reason seeing the pleasure it gave her made me feel great it was like an adrenaline rush.

[Silouette]

The only hard part for me was finding the courage to shed my old way of thinking and to accept who i truely am. I am a professional woman, a mother, and a have a whole host of friends. With all of that I was never ever fullfilled.

I knew from the start that i loved to be dominated,but did not have a name for it. it wasn't until i started to release my vanilla lifestyle and old way of thinking that i was totally free to be me!

unmastered

I totally see myself in your description, so thank you for the post.

Unfortunately I haven't been so lucky yet to find my Dom/Master to take me further in my journey.

But big hugs to you!

[littlepony1]

i've had a whole load of small things rush and click into place this last month, from subconciously pushing a relationship that i knew in my heart wasn't going to go anywhere, towards wanting him to dominate me when it wasn't a natural thing for him, just a reaction to what i was doing..to acknowledging a whole host of things and feelings that i've had for as long as i can remember..preteen fantasies/daydreams where i'd be in the house and the man would come in and take me into his control..a yearning for something i could never verbalise..feeling the glow when i achieved something for someone with no come back..how i naturally avoid direct eye contact and feel myself burning up when im walking past men..how in my masturbation i do certain things to myself or say stuff, positions etc etc.

i came here trying to find something, to eek it out of me, the internet, safe and full of information, not all of it suitable or wise, but i'm sensible enough to seperate wheat from chaff, i'd like to think.
i found a Dom on this site, who is wonderful, for me i think, thoughtful, patient, firm and giving of his time. i have nothing and noone to compare Him as a Dom to, but i feel i'm very lucky to have been found and accepted by Him.
:0)

[shishagal]

beginning to think im a one and only out here lol.Every post seems to be from ppl that always new they were submissive .i have always been dominant in everything but not in this kind of life style.I've always been head strong and things had to be done my way or there was hell to pay (ask my 2 ex hubbys) Meet a Dom at a party who i became friends with and as he explained more about bdsm i found myself getting excited and found the whole thing very erotic. I had the chance to go with him to his collared subs and join them for a bit of fun and now he is my Master.I've never enjoyed life so much even the pain is great yes i get punished a lot as im still cheeky and try to show im still very dominant but failing badly He always wins in the end usually by just threatening to cane me (i hate the can) but love the crop/floggers and other punishment tools.Ok im going to shut up now lol
love whips and licks xx