Quote Originally Posted by kaerose13 View Post
well, i am one of those subs who feel its always been in them, though with people i can overpower i get a bit Domme-ish.
as a little kid, only 8 or 9 years old, i would play dress up and pretend that i was kidnapped and sold into a brutal harem where i was beaten and raped repeatedly. . .yes at only 8. and nearly all of my games or physical activity involved me getting more than a little scraped and bruised. (this was all probably related to sexual abuse as a very young child)

in highschool i got myself into an abusive relationship that brought out the bad side of my submissive nature. it wasn't a D/s relationship, he stole control of every aspect of my life--it was never given. but i didn't care, he took away my identity and free will. i know i could have physically over powered him at that time, but i did nothing. i didn't even say "no" to anything (but i never said yes).
It's like you're speaking from my heart...I cannot really say when it started, but it started young. I can't think of a time when I wasn't aware of sex, or how it held all the people around me in thrall - or a time when I wasn't a victim of that need in other people.

My first lover was a woman, and she was horribly controlling - just like you said, I never gave her that control, she wrested it from me in the worst possible way. I can't even say that the sex was particularly satisfying for that reason, since it wasn't joyful and willing submission.

To be honest, I never found sex particularly fascinating or satisfying until I gave in to my desire to be dominated, or dominate...I would make love with women, and it was good, but not mind blowing, so I tried men, and it was good, but nothing special. I thought my past experiences had made me frigid (or so my lovers would complain), but when Someone came along and showed me the sweet side of submission, I felt a cathartic release more intense than any paltry pleasure I'd ever felt before...I discovered why it was I had felt so frustrated and unsatisfied in all my "vanilla" liaisons.

I felt like I'd finally found a part of myself that had been taken from me, and I'm a more happy, balanced, and secure woman because of it.