Quote Originally Posted by openyoureyes View Post
It's more of the shame afterwards than during. There is a certain appeal of doing something you shouldn't as you're doing it, but afterwards I just find myself...mentally beating myself up for what happened.
My little one struggles with this a great deal. I keep trying to help him figure out why things bother him so much, and all he says is "I just don't want to be judged or ridiculed." And then I ask him "by who, no one is here but us?" I think that even though we can logically and mentally accept that it's fine to be an individual, what society ingrains in us as "appropriate" or not is very deep-rooted. That's why it's important to use your brain as much as possible, to look at your feelings to figure out why you feel a certain way.

Or I'll find myself believing the things he'll say when we're in the moment. That's where I become unsure of the name calling. It's not that it bothers me as much in the moment (although it is taking an adjustment to get used to it, especially if he wants me to call myself names, eek), but it's after we're done and I start taking what was said to heart.
That can be tricky because you're a new couple. But as you go, it should become easier to separate "in-session" from "non-session" things. How does he treat you when you're not in-session? By paying attention to that, it should make it easier for you to learn the difference between "real" and "play". It sounds to me like your boyfriend is an understanding person, so you should tell him you're struggling with this.

A lot of these questions you have are things that will be answered more easily once you have more time together. It sounds to me like you already know that:

One of the first things I said after I filled it out was that I might want to look it over again in a couple of months after we've tried some things because I will have a better idea then of where I'm at.
In all, from reading your posts, I would have to say that I think you're the "poster-child" for "the right way to start a brand-new BDSM relationship." I think you're asking all the right questions and thinking and questioning things all the time...just like you should. Also it sounds to me like you're keeping good communication about all of this with your boyfriend, and that is a huge key.

Just keep on doing it. Keep on asking yourself those questions, thinking about how you feel and why you feel that way. That part doesn't go away; what the questions are might change but having them won't. That's just part of being in a good, healthy, developing relationship.

Good luck to you!